http://jennickels.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] jennickels.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] jennickels 2013-03-17 09:28 pm (UTC)

thanks for reading. Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself. At home, too. No one listens to me. As soon as I start talking they begin talking over me about something else. Or just walk away or stop listening or whatever. I'm left looking like an idiot talking to myself.

I am so tempted to go take one. I'm that desperate now. I feel like a freaking junkie needing a fix. I can't get it out of my head which isn't helping me recover any. But I can't seem to focus on anything. Ugh. I can't eat. For most of last week I ate 1 meal a day. I lost like 7lbs and I was eating junk (Burger King, fries, chips) because I barely ate anything. Today I just don't feel like eating at all. It's almost 2:30pm and so far I had a Diet Coke and one of those Reeses Double Peanut Butter Cups. That was like at 10:30 or something.

I'm not sleeping. I'm up until 2am most mornings. I take my sleeping pill but I get woke up at like 7 or 8 and can't fall back asleep. My eyes are completely blood shot and it's not helping my concentration any. But when I try to take a nap I never fall asleep--my mind just races continuously. I can't even just focus on a story in my head to rest my eyes. Every few seconds it wanders to another story and I get up later with a migraine.

I cry over every little thing and I've slowed down to a point where it's too much effort to get up and get a cup of water so I go thirsty. I just sit there and stare at the laptop but make no move to do anything. This might actually be worse than the PMS I was having.

I feel like I'm falling apart.

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