Girl Genius fic: A New Hobby? Maybe Not

[jennickels]

Tarvek probably should have thought a little more carefully before suggesting Agatha take up a new hobby, especially one requiring sharp, pointy objects.

587 words | [PG]

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Tarvek considered the large contraption currently occupying most of Agatha’s mechanical lab. It had a squat round body about two-and-a-half meters tall sitting on six articulated legs. At least a dozen arms sprouted from various spots on the chassis, most folded in on themselves in a ready position. Tubes and wires connected the control housing that appeared to be smiling at him with its various dials and lights, and on top of that sat four meter-high spikes surrounded by some kind of collapsible scaffolding. Most peculiar, though, was the cages attached to it’s back—each containing two bemused sheep. All-in-all, Tarvek was baffled.

“But what does it do?” he asked, realizing his mistake a moment too late when Agatha squealed in delight, her voice still resonating from the Madness place.

“Let me show you,” she said, bouncing over to the machine just as her chief minion, Moloch von Zinzer innocently strolled in with a trolley of snacks and beverages. She flipped a couple switches, setting the machine into motion.

Moloch froze, eyes bulging when the device turned in his direction. “No,” he screeched even as it reached out one of its many arms to snatch him up.

Tarvek watched in horror as the other arms unfolded into various dangerous-looking instruments. The ones nearest Moloch began turning him every which way, taking measurements with a long ruler set into its chest. Several of the arms in the rear removed a sheep that bleated in confusion. More arms ending in cutting instruments buzzed into action.

“Agatha-”

Moloch continued to scream; the sheep became more frantic.

“Agatha, I don’t know about this.”

All at once, the thing shifted into high gear. The cutters began sheering the sheep in a quick methodical fashion, flipping the animal every which way. The wool was immediately taken up by other arms, separated and spun onto the spikes. At the same time, two arms extended from the central panel holding long needles. They attacked Moloch in a flurry. The sounds of the man's terrified pleas and the sheep’s cries sent a wave of panic through Tarvek.

“Agatha!”

She finally looked at him then glanced back at her machine. “Oh, he’s fine—it won’t hurt him.”

Tarvek wasn’t sure of that at all and began calculating how to shut the thing down with minimal damage to him and von Zinzer, but he needn’t worry. A moment later, the whirring of blades and clicking of needles slowed then stopped, leaving the lab vibrating with silence, broken finally by one last scream from Moloch.

“See,” Agatha said with a smile. “He’s fine.”

The machine put Moloch down then went dormant. The minion stumbled forward, his entire body wrapped in what appeared to be a woolen sweater only it went from his nose to his shins and had five arms, none of them where arms should be. He glared from over the neck of the sweater then began hopping out the door, grumbling about “crazy Sparks.”

Agatha frowned. “I guess it needs a little work.” She picked up some tools and began fiddling with the innards of the machine.

Tarvek sighed. “Agatha, when I said you should take up knitting, this isn’t what I meant.”

She paused, glanced over her shoulder then shrugged. “It tried the other way—this is much faster.”

Tarvek groaned. “I’m going to go help von Zinzer,” he said, heading for the door before she needed any more volunteers.