Ideas and Energy

[jennickels]

Today's snowflake_challenge is to talk about "an idea you wish you had the time / talent / energy to do."

I had to laugh when I read that because that would be all the ideas. All the things. Anything.

I mentioned this in a friend-locked post, but I have chronic fatigue which severely limits what I can do on any given day. It also gives me debilitating brain fog that makes it hard to think. Like I literally struggle to find simple words in my mind. I start to talk slowly and slur my words because I can't think of the right words I need to say. Writing is impossible. It's gotten so bad that my brain is mostly blank--I can't even come up with ideas to brainstorm anymore.

So if I had to talk about an idea I wish I had the energy for that would be every idea I've ever come up with. And I wish I could just come up with new ideas again. It's so frustrating to go from writing tons of stories every year to lacking creativity all together. I'm having a hard time writing this post because I can't organize my thoughts.

If I had to choose some ideas I wish I had the energy for there are a few that come to mind. Last February, I wrote the beginning of two different Avatar the Last Airbender AU fics that I really enjoyed writing. I think I was manic at the time because once I went to bed, the urge and ability to write ended. I've never been able to continue the stories.

The first one is an "Avatar Katara" AU that starts when Katara is eleven. Because Aang is found and killed before the start of the story, the pre-canon events of the show never happen so Katara's mother is alive and the village at the South Pole has grown over the years. Katara, though, is still the only water bender and has kept it hidden her whole life. She doesn't even know her mother knows. She doesn't know she's the Avatar, though. Her only hints are constantly having dreams of Aang but she sees him as a faceless boy so they don't make sense to her. The story starts with her going to school to meet some of the other kids in the village that are important to the plot then the Zhou attacks, looking for one child that is eleven-years-old. None of the children say they are eleven so he takes all of the kids that are ten-twelve. I got as far as them being on his ship and being "tortured" by having their meals withheld until one of the older boys finally breaks.

My plans were to have them end up at a camp with some Northern Water Tribe kids. A camp run by Zuko who is tasked with figuring out which one of them is the Avatar. The NWT kids are all benders but none know if they are the Avatar while the Southern kids just want to cause havoc and fight back. I was going to have Katara actually befriend Zuko in the time they are there so that he doesn't stop them when they try to escape (Zuko is only 13 at the time, freshly banished and hating his job). 

I know I plotted out more of what would happen. They manage to escape to the Southern Air Temple with the help of Aang's spirit that Katara sees. I don't remember the details off hand, but they end up with a flying bison that gets them to the Earth Kingdom where most of the NWT kids and the younger SWT kids hide out while Katara, Sokka, and their friends start looking for people to train her because she's figured out she's the Avatar after she manages to earthbend accidentally or something. Zhou chases them all over and Zuko goes after them because he considers Katara a friend and wants to save her. Or something. I don't really remember, but Zuko keeps thwarting Zhou whenever he can.

The other story I wrote last February was a "Zuko grows up at the South Pole" AU that I had a lot of fun with. It starts with him arriving at the South Pole when he's ten after he escapes the Fire Nation with his mother. He doesn't understand what's going on but thinks someone is trying to kill him (probably his own father). His mother leaves him there with Hakoda who puts Bato in charge of him. Bato gets some backstory that includes a dead wife and son so he feels a connection to the practically orphaned Zuko. He doesn't force Zuko to deny his heritage around Bato and encourages him to keep up his firebending training although he has to hide all of that from the rest of the village. I got as far as day two when Zuko (called Kano) meets Katara and Sokka.

I really enjoyed writing the bits I did because there's a lot of emotionally charged scenes with Bato realizing how traumatized Zuko is just from his upbringing, nevermind being abandoned by his mother. Like there's a bit where Zuko says no one is permitted to touch him because he's a prince (so he's both touch-starved and touch-averse because of the way he was raised) and another scene where Zuko tells Bato he doesn't go to school because his father thinks it's a waste of time and money to send him because he isn't a good student. That really pisses Bato off.

I have less plans with this story. I remember coming up with some random scenes showing Zuko bonding with Bato. Time passes and the men eventually go off to war, leaving Zuko alone. He develops a crush on Katara but feels like he can't pursue it because of his secrets and the fact that Sokka is his best friend. Eventually, Sokka and Katara were going to find Aang and that brings Zhou attacking the village because he's the one tasked with finding the Avatar while Iroh is with him because he's been looking for Zuko for 6 years. During the attack, Zuko gets burned by Zhou and taken prisoner. Aang is rescued, but the kids can't get Zuko out because he's so injured.

I'm not sure how I want the story to go from there. Completely rewrite canon or follow canon but with Zuko on the side of good. I imagined one version where he finally meets back up with Katara and Sokka during the water scroll episode. So he meets Katara in the dark woods and says he's going to save her from the pirates. She's just happy to see him and know he's okay. Then they all escape together and he sticks with the group after that. Or possibly, he has ulterior motives because he's found out of he brings the Avatar with him, he can return home (he just doesn't understand what he would be returning home to). I never figured that part out because the fatigue always overwhelms me whenever I try to think of ideas.

There's one other idea I really wish I had the energy for and that was my Epic Ouran Marriage AU. It started with an idea for a story where Kyoya is forced into an arranged marriage with this Japanese-American girl (Hana). I had that whole story plotted out from him confessing he's already in love with Tamaki and Haruhi to eventually falling for Hana, too, to getting married but continuing his relationship with Tamaki and Haruhi with Hana's permission until eventually all four of them end up together.

That idea got me wondering about the other characters and eventually the Epic AU started. I have ideas I wish I could write that start from the end of the anime/manga and follows all of the main characters and many of the side characters from high school through college to marriage and families and beyond. I even had stories for side characters that barely had names and for the children of the main cast. I invented dozens of OCs to fill in the spaces and created intricate relationships for everyone.

I even created a personal Wiki with tiddlywiki.com to keep track of all of the characters and story arcs.

Alas, I eventually ran out of energy to even come up with ideas, and I burnt myself out on the entire AU after using it to win NaNoWriMo last November. I really wish I had the energy to work on it again because it was so much fun coming up with random story arcs and plots for different characters.

And those are the more specific wishes I have. Nevermind I wish I had the energy to finish the several WIPs I have going. Like Heaven Can't Wait which I started back in 2018 and hasn't been updated in two years. That's just one of them that I feel bad for never finishing, especially since I have it mostly plotted out to the end and have many more chapters already written that just need editing.

Well, this got way longer than I planned. I rarely ever get to talk about my story ideas (I forgot how to do this online and nobody in my personal life cares) so I tend to ramble when I get the chance.