http://jennickels.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] jennickels.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] jennickels 2015-05-07 06:37 pm (UTC)

I don't really want to get a job. The degree was kind of a personal mission, but also to help with my writing. I've looked around, though, and there isn't much I qualify for. People want degrees in specific subjects, and the ones that will accept my degree want 2-3 years of experience (interning, I guess).

My biggest problem, though, is between my anxiety and bipolar, I'm not a reliable employee. I get stressed at the smallest things and when I'm stressed, I completely freak out or shut down. I never know if I can finish anything because of the bipolar. I might feel great when I take on a project, but three days later, I'm so depressed I don't want to get out of bed, making it nearly impossible to finish anything. If I do finish, I don't put much effort into it. I don't think I'd be good at any kind of job. I'm so out of shape and overweight, I can't stand for long periods of time either without my back screaming in agony. I'm going to try walking to improve that--I miss walking; I did it all the time before kids.

Patrick keeps hinting that he wants me to get a job. I feel bad because he's working a ton of overtime so we have some disposable income, so I'm trying to keep up on chores (which is already pissing me off because everyone is treating me like the maid) and I'm determined to finish my novel for real. I spent a couple of hours at Shari's yesterday working on character profiles. I have to feel like I'm doing something.

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