jennickels (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jennickels) wrote2005-06-06 11:40 pm
jennickels) wrote2005-06-06 11:40 pm
Entry tags:
Another day, another...day, I guess
Well, that's another day down. Just a million more to go before I die, tee hee. Gosh I'm tired, and sticky. It is so damn hot up here. It's really not bothering as much as it usually does though. I kind of use it to my advantage while I'm writing--the quicker I get the chapter done, the quicker I can get out of here.
I finished chapter 13 of "Homecoming" finally. I tried working on it all day but the kids kept coming in and bugging me about every little thing. They want to watch Incredibles so damn bad but then when I put it in they are up here bugging me because "he hit me" and "she took this" and blah, blah, blah. It's just so repetitive.
Anyway the chapter is done and Hyde and Jackie had thier second 'first date'. I have so much fun writing those two. They are so easy to get behind. They both put on that tough act but deep down inside they both care more deeply then most people. I guess I can write that character because it is me. I have always been the one to put on the show of not caring. It is just a cover though, most of the time. I was probably the zen of my group of friends in high school.
I remember this one time--I think we were seniors and all my friends were freaking otu over midterms and I sat back and watched them study and mumble to themselves and cry. Deirdre was having a full out panic attack because she forgot her book the night before and hadn't been able to study. I felt for her, I really did, but I just kept my cool. I told her it would be okay and she went nuts.
"It's not going to be okay. I didn't get to study. I'm going to fail this test," she cried. I just looked at her with my neutral expression.
"Well, if you fail," I told her, "then you'll just have to work harder to make it up. It's not the end of the world."
"But my parents are going to kill me," she mumbled, tears streaming down her face.
I snorted and looked her straight in the eye. "Well then you'll be dead and you won't have to worry about studying anymore, will you."
That got her attention. For a split second she stopped crying and pondered what I said then went back to her books. Some people might have thought I was uncaring but I wasn't. What else could I tell her? That was Di, though. She was always freaking about something. She was such a perfectionist that any little mistake set her off. I hated seeing other kids make fun of her and stood by her in everything. She wasn't one of my real close friends but, damn, somebody had to stick up for her. A little after that scene with Dierdre one of my other friends looked over at me and asked if I was going to study at all.
I just shrugged. What was the point? I think they kind of hated me for that. I rarely studied and I still got As and Bs. It wasn't that I wasn't nervous about taking the tests, I just really didn't care much about the outcome. I wasn't interested in getting straigt As. As long as I passed with a C I was happy and the least amount of studing that took, the better. So they would all frantically flip through their notes, muttering to themselves, or quiz each other on Spanish, while I sat and watched with an amused look on my face.
(By the way--Dierdre of course aced her test and I passed everything--I actually got the best grades I ever had in high school during my Senior year. Thank goodness for Art History, Orchestra and Gym, teehee.)
Anyway back to my zen analogy--that is how I see myself. I had been hurt so much in the past (when I was a kid) that by the time I finished junior high I had learned to keep my face perfectly neutral and show no emotion, no matter how much it hurt. One of my favorite episodes of That 70s Show was the one where Hyde teaches Jackie to be zen. His whole lesson on saying "whatever" cracked me up. That is one of my favorite phrases. I say it whenever something bothers me but I can't show it. I can do it just like he describes to Jackie, and I'm damn good at it.
---------
That little bit about Deirdre above got me thinking. This year is my ten year reunion. God, 10 years since I graduated high school. Seems like forever. So far no one is planning anything and I'm sure not going to volunteer. I wonder what my friends are up to. I haven't seen any of them in at least nine years, except for Vasso who I ran into the day my mom died. They are all successful college grads and I'm a SAHM who dropped out (I don't need a college degree to yell at my kids, do I?) and now write horrible fanfic like a smitten teen. Sometimes I think I have lost my mind. Vasso, Lill, Tricia, Jaime, Kelly (gosh I miss the Nick and Dick days and all her poems about Sr. Ellen), Lupe, Dierdre, Julia, Patty, Kate, Betsy, Janette...I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.
And on the topic of lost friendships--I wonder what Jaime V. is doing. The last time I saw him I was 16. My mom called me once when I was living in my little apartment and was totally excited. Jaime had stopped by out of the blue to see how I was. My mom talked to him but, ugh, didn't get a number or address on him. I thought I was goind to explode hearing about that. My heart actually started racing. I hadn't seen or heard from him in at least 5 years. Even now I find myself watching cars go by and wonder if he is in any of them. With my luck we'll move and that's when he'll decide to check up on me. I miss him. I was talking with Kelly the other day about him. We never really went out but there was still something there. I wrote in my story the other day that "first loves are forever" and I think that is true. No matter how many times you fall in love after the first one, or how much you love another person (like my husband) you can't stop thinking about that first true love.
Sometimes he'll pop into my dreams and we'll be 13 again, his arm, casually around my shoulders. It felt good, it felt right. God I put that kid through hell though. I wish I could find him just to apologize for all the crap I pulled.
Well, on that note I better go before I give out too many details, lol.
besides, it's after midnight now and Meagan just came up demanding her cup. I hope she hasn't been awake this whole time.
I finished chapter 13 of "Homecoming" finally. I tried working on it all day but the kids kept coming in and bugging me about every little thing. They want to watch Incredibles so damn bad but then when I put it in they are up here bugging me because "he hit me" and "she took this" and blah, blah, blah. It's just so repetitive.
Anyway the chapter is done and Hyde and Jackie had thier second 'first date'. I have so much fun writing those two. They are so easy to get behind. They both put on that tough act but deep down inside they both care more deeply then most people. I guess I can write that character because it is me. I have always been the one to put on the show of not caring. It is just a cover though, most of the time. I was probably the zen of my group of friends in high school.
I remember this one time--I think we were seniors and all my friends were freaking otu over midterms and I sat back and watched them study and mumble to themselves and cry. Deirdre was having a full out panic attack because she forgot her book the night before and hadn't been able to study. I felt for her, I really did, but I just kept my cool. I told her it would be okay and she went nuts.
"It's not going to be okay. I didn't get to study. I'm going to fail this test," she cried. I just looked at her with my neutral expression.
"Well, if you fail," I told her, "then you'll just have to work harder to make it up. It's not the end of the world."
"But my parents are going to kill me," she mumbled, tears streaming down her face.
I snorted and looked her straight in the eye. "Well then you'll be dead and you won't have to worry about studying anymore, will you."
That got her attention. For a split second she stopped crying and pondered what I said then went back to her books. Some people might have thought I was uncaring but I wasn't. What else could I tell her? That was Di, though. She was always freaking about something. She was such a perfectionist that any little mistake set her off. I hated seeing other kids make fun of her and stood by her in everything. She wasn't one of my real close friends but, damn, somebody had to stick up for her. A little after that scene with Dierdre one of my other friends looked over at me and asked if I was going to study at all.
I just shrugged. What was the point? I think they kind of hated me for that. I rarely studied and I still got As and Bs. It wasn't that I wasn't nervous about taking the tests, I just really didn't care much about the outcome. I wasn't interested in getting straigt As. As long as I passed with a C I was happy and the least amount of studing that took, the better. So they would all frantically flip through their notes, muttering to themselves, or quiz each other on Spanish, while I sat and watched with an amused look on my face.
(By the way--Dierdre of course aced her test and I passed everything--I actually got the best grades I ever had in high school during my Senior year. Thank goodness for Art History, Orchestra and Gym, teehee.)
Anyway back to my zen analogy--that is how I see myself. I had been hurt so much in the past (when I was a kid) that by the time I finished junior high I had learned to keep my face perfectly neutral and show no emotion, no matter how much it hurt. One of my favorite episodes of That 70s Show was the one where Hyde teaches Jackie to be zen. His whole lesson on saying "whatever" cracked me up. That is one of my favorite phrases. I say it whenever something bothers me but I can't show it. I can do it just like he describes to Jackie, and I'm damn good at it.
---------
That little bit about Deirdre above got me thinking. This year is my ten year reunion. God, 10 years since I graduated high school. Seems like forever. So far no one is planning anything and I'm sure not going to volunteer. I wonder what my friends are up to. I haven't seen any of them in at least nine years, except for Vasso who I ran into the day my mom died. They are all successful college grads and I'm a SAHM who dropped out (I don't need a college degree to yell at my kids, do I?) and now write horrible fanfic like a smitten teen. Sometimes I think I have lost my mind. Vasso, Lill, Tricia, Jaime, Kelly (gosh I miss the Nick and Dick days and all her poems about Sr. Ellen), Lupe, Dierdre, Julia, Patty, Kate, Betsy, Janette...I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.
And on the topic of lost friendships--I wonder what Jaime V. is doing. The last time I saw him I was 16. My mom called me once when I was living in my little apartment and was totally excited. Jaime had stopped by out of the blue to see how I was. My mom talked to him but, ugh, didn't get a number or address on him. I thought I was goind to explode hearing about that. My heart actually started racing. I hadn't seen or heard from him in at least 5 years. Even now I find myself watching cars go by and wonder if he is in any of them. With my luck we'll move and that's when he'll decide to check up on me. I miss him. I was talking with Kelly the other day about him. We never really went out but there was still something there. I wrote in my story the other day that "first loves are forever" and I think that is true. No matter how many times you fall in love after the first one, or how much you love another person (like my husband) you can't stop thinking about that first true love.
Sometimes he'll pop into my dreams and we'll be 13 again, his arm, casually around my shoulders. It felt good, it felt right. God I put that kid through hell though. I wish I could find him just to apologize for all the crap I pulled.
Well, on that note I better go before I give out too many details, lol.
besides, it's after midnight now and Meagan just came up demanding her cup. I hope she hasn't been awake this whole time.