jennickels (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jennickels) wrote2012-03-07 01:48 pm
jennickels) wrote2012-03-07 01:48 pm
ugh with family drama
I won't bore you guys but here's the Reader's Digest version:
Meagan had a half day today, got home at noon and immediately started in with the victim drama about how she was sooooo busy trying to get her grades up in math and history that she "forgot" to do her science work so now she has an F in science. Which she doesn't care about because grades reset next week. She doesn't get that at the end of the year they average the grades and now she won't be able to get higher than a C in science even if she gets an A this last term. She has a big science project due next week and wanted to work on it so I told her she had an hour on the computer. After an hour I was going in my room to get some quiet and I can't trust her on the computer without me in the room (when she was supposed to be doing research for her history project she was playing Stardoll instead). So instead of using her 1 hour to get some research done she threw a tantrum and carried on about how it will be my fault she gets an F on this project. Oy. The sass... makes me want to slap her silly. She also made this huge mess doing her history project on Monday. She was up until 11pm making The Great Wall of China out of salt flour dough. Which she left all over the kitchen (on the counters, sink, faucet, floor, wall, chairs... everywhere). I told her to clean it up when she got home from school yesterday. She didn't do it. Now she's grounded for that which she thinks is unfair.
ANYWAY I actually wanted to post about this "homework" Nora brought home for me. I'm supposed to fill out this survey on home safety. And, honestly, it pisses me off. I know it shouldn't but I'm basically going to be checking "no" for every single item on the list and it's going to look like I don't care about my kids' safety. I just don't buy into the whole, "childproof your world". I worldproof my kids. Most of the stuff on the list is not a worry to me because the kids know better. And Jack will learn.
Here's the list:
cleaners in original containers and kept in a locked cabinet...NO
they are [mostly] in their original containers and they are kept under the sink but it's not locked, the kids know better and so far Jack hasn't bothered with it. If he starts to get into that cabinet we'll put a lock on it
kitchen tools and materials stored properly...I GUESS
the scissors and knives are in drawers but they are easily accessible to the kids. In fact the kids (other than Jack) are encouraged to use the knives, they can cut their own food. That way they know how to safely use a knife instead of just hiding them away.
all pots have their handles turned in while on the stove...WHEN I COOK THEY DO
that's just common sense but my husband never remembers this rule but I always turn them in when I cook and always did even before I had kids.
bathroom safety (non-skid tubs, rugs, etc)...NO
we have no bath mat, we do have a rug but it's not the kind with the non-slip bottom. Amazingly we've never had a bathroom accident.
water heater set between 115-120 and no higher...NO
I have no idea what the landlady has the water heater set to but it comes out steaming hot. The kids know to test water and never stick their hands under the faucet if the hot tap is open all the way. Common sense.
medicines are capped and in a locked cabinet...NO
we don't have a medicine cabinet. The kids stuff is kept in the cabinet above the stove because it's too small for anything else (it has the vent for the stove running through it). My medicine is kept on the window sill in my bathroom where the kids aren't supposed to be but they know better than to mess with medicine without asking. Meagan and Owen now dose themselves most of the time (after asking and confirming the amount they need to take, they are 11 and 10).
electrical sockets/wires protected...NO
I'm assuming they mean outlet covers. We don't use them. The kids know better and Jack has never shown much interest in the outlets.
home alone plan...???
I have no idea what they mean with this. Probably a plan for the kids in case they come home and there's no one there. My kids stay home by themselves all the time. They come home often to find no one here. Usually we leave them a note. They know they aren't allowed off the property if we're not here and no one comes inside, no cooking on the stove and no doing anything dangerous.
answering the door/phone plans...NO
I expect my kids to answer the door if someone knocks on it unless we're not here and then they use their best judgement. If someone wanted in our house it wouldn't matter if the kids opened the door, they could just kick it in. I could kick it in. The kids don't answer the phone since we don't have one, just the cells and the only people that call them are people we know and the kids aren't even allowed to use the phones.
storm plans...NO
I assume they mean like for tornadoes or hurricanes which we don't get here. We did used to live in a tornado area and they knew to get in the basement. I'm pretty sure they would know to hide in the laundry room should a tornado happen here (we actually talked about that once when we first moved here--they knew to get to an interior room...which is the laundry room).
matches and lighters are stored properly...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS
we don't have any matches in the house and the lighter is kept above the stove (on the other side from the kids' medicine), they know to leave it alone.
fire escape plan...TO A POINT
I just asked the kids what they would do if they found the house on fire or filled with smoke and told them they should kick out their screens and jump out the windows (it's a 4 foot drop). Owen asked what he should do if Jack was in his room and I told him to drop Jack out the window first then climb out after and take him to a neighbor's house.
working smoke alarms...YES
we have 2 (one by the kitchen and 1 near the bedrooms). I'm really surprised they didn't have carbon monoxide detectors on the list. We don't have anything gas powered in the house but in Chicago they were mandatory and we had them all over the house.
water safety plans (pools, bathtubs, creeks, etc)...I GUESS
the older 3 know how to swim since we had a 4' above ground pool at my dad's. Nora doesn't know how to swim but we don't have a pool here. We did have a little blow up kiddie pool and I trust the kids to not get themselves killed in it. They even take Jack in it and I don't sit out there with them. I check on them occasionally, though. Obviously, Jack wouldn't be allowed out there alone with the pool or alone in the bath but he takes baths with the other kids while I'm in another room or I leave them to watch him if I need to leave the bathroom.
I'm thinking of printing off all of that and sending it in with the survey. I do care about my kids safety but I don't consider this stuff as do or die. Then again the crazy helicopter parents think I'm beyond negligent because my kids learned to use a microwave at 4 or 5, learned to use a toaster at 3, are allowed to play outside unsupervised, can roam the neighborhood (the older 3 anyway), go to the bus stop without me, stay home by themselves, go to the park on their own, etc.
In fact Brenna ran off to play with friends shortly after getting home and finishing her chores. She's 9 and took her bike (but forgot to close the garage door so I have to go do that in a minute). And Nora just left to go see if her friend could play. She's almost 6 and has been walking to and from her friend's house down the street since she was 4 1/2. She's now allowed to play outside all alone if she wishes and can go to the park if she's with the older kids. I even let her walk herself to the park the other day because I knew the older kids were already there. I think she can handle crossing 1 barely busy street.
It bugged the crap out of me that I had to fill out special paperwork for her to be allowed to get off the bus without an adult present at the bus stop. Never mind she rides the bus with her older brother and sister who are in 4th and 3rd grades. And there are about 7 other kids at their stop. And then when I got the paper to sign it was actually for her to be able to get off the bus with no one (no adult, no siblings, etc) waiting for her. It released the bus company of any liability should something happen to her while she walked the block to our house. According to the paper it was always perfectly okay for her to get off the bus with her brother or sister and there was nothing that needed to be signed for that. Grrr.
I shouldn't have to jump through all those hoops. Or worry someone will call family services because they don't agree with the way I parent. Luckily most of the parents around here do things the same way. There are always kids wandering around the area, going to stores on their own, waiting at the bus stop (except the kindy kids with no older siblings because of the hoops above), riding bikes, playing in the street, and just enjoying their childhood. I love it here. I don't even think twice about going out now and leaving the older 4 at home (or any of the older 3 by themselves).
Okay, random ranting done. I now have to go clean up the mess Meagan made in the kitchen that she doesn't think she should have to clean. Ugh.
Meagan had a half day today, got home at noon and immediately started in with the victim drama about how she was sooooo busy trying to get her grades up in math and history that she "forgot" to do her science work so now she has an F in science. Which she doesn't care about because grades reset next week. She doesn't get that at the end of the year they average the grades and now she won't be able to get higher than a C in science even if she gets an A this last term. She has a big science project due next week and wanted to work on it so I told her she had an hour on the computer. After an hour I was going in my room to get some quiet and I can't trust her on the computer without me in the room (when she was supposed to be doing research for her history project she was playing Stardoll instead). So instead of using her 1 hour to get some research done she threw a tantrum and carried on about how it will be my fault she gets an F on this project. Oy. The sass... makes me want to slap her silly. She also made this huge mess doing her history project on Monday. She was up until 11pm making The Great Wall of China out of salt flour dough. Which she left all over the kitchen (on the counters, sink, faucet, floor, wall, chairs... everywhere). I told her to clean it up when she got home from school yesterday. She didn't do it. Now she's grounded for that which she thinks is unfair.
ANYWAY I actually wanted to post about this "homework" Nora brought home for me. I'm supposed to fill out this survey on home safety. And, honestly, it pisses me off. I know it shouldn't but I'm basically going to be checking "no" for every single item on the list and it's going to look like I don't care about my kids' safety. I just don't buy into the whole, "childproof your world". I worldproof my kids. Most of the stuff on the list is not a worry to me because the kids know better. And Jack will learn.
Here's the list:
cleaners in original containers and kept in a locked cabinet...NO
they are [mostly] in their original containers and they are kept under the sink but it's not locked, the kids know better and so far Jack hasn't bothered with it. If he starts to get into that cabinet we'll put a lock on it
kitchen tools and materials stored properly...I GUESS
the scissors and knives are in drawers but they are easily accessible to the kids. In fact the kids (other than Jack) are encouraged to use the knives, they can cut their own food. That way they know how to safely use a knife instead of just hiding them away.
all pots have their handles turned in while on the stove...WHEN I COOK THEY DO
that's just common sense but my husband never remembers this rule but I always turn them in when I cook and always did even before I had kids.
bathroom safety (non-skid tubs, rugs, etc)...NO
we have no bath mat, we do have a rug but it's not the kind with the non-slip bottom. Amazingly we've never had a bathroom accident.
water heater set between 115-120 and no higher...NO
I have no idea what the landlady has the water heater set to but it comes out steaming hot. The kids know to test water and never stick their hands under the faucet if the hot tap is open all the way. Common sense.
medicines are capped and in a locked cabinet...NO
we don't have a medicine cabinet. The kids stuff is kept in the cabinet above the stove because it's too small for anything else (it has the vent for the stove running through it). My medicine is kept on the window sill in my bathroom where the kids aren't supposed to be but they know better than to mess with medicine without asking. Meagan and Owen now dose themselves most of the time (after asking and confirming the amount they need to take, they are 11 and 10).
electrical sockets/wires protected...NO
I'm assuming they mean outlet covers. We don't use them. The kids know better and Jack has never shown much interest in the outlets.
home alone plan...???
I have no idea what they mean with this. Probably a plan for the kids in case they come home and there's no one there. My kids stay home by themselves all the time. They come home often to find no one here. Usually we leave them a note. They know they aren't allowed off the property if we're not here and no one comes inside, no cooking on the stove and no doing anything dangerous.
answering the door/phone plans...NO
I expect my kids to answer the door if someone knocks on it unless we're not here and then they use their best judgement. If someone wanted in our house it wouldn't matter if the kids opened the door, they could just kick it in. I could kick it in. The kids don't answer the phone since we don't have one, just the cells and the only people that call them are people we know and the kids aren't even allowed to use the phones.
storm plans...NO
I assume they mean like for tornadoes or hurricanes which we don't get here. We did used to live in a tornado area and they knew to get in the basement. I'm pretty sure they would know to hide in the laundry room should a tornado happen here (we actually talked about that once when we first moved here--they knew to get to an interior room...which is the laundry room).
matches and lighters are stored properly...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS
we don't have any matches in the house and the lighter is kept above the stove (on the other side from the kids' medicine), they know to leave it alone.
fire escape plan...TO A POINT
I just asked the kids what they would do if they found the house on fire or filled with smoke and told them they should kick out their screens and jump out the windows (it's a 4 foot drop). Owen asked what he should do if Jack was in his room and I told him to drop Jack out the window first then climb out after and take him to a neighbor's house.
working smoke alarms...YES
we have 2 (one by the kitchen and 1 near the bedrooms). I'm really surprised they didn't have carbon monoxide detectors on the list. We don't have anything gas powered in the house but in Chicago they were mandatory and we had them all over the house.
water safety plans (pools, bathtubs, creeks, etc)...I GUESS
the older 3 know how to swim since we had a 4' above ground pool at my dad's. Nora doesn't know how to swim but we don't have a pool here. We did have a little blow up kiddie pool and I trust the kids to not get themselves killed in it. They even take Jack in it and I don't sit out there with them. I check on them occasionally, though. Obviously, Jack wouldn't be allowed out there alone with the pool or alone in the bath but he takes baths with the other kids while I'm in another room or I leave them to watch him if I need to leave the bathroom.
I'm thinking of printing off all of that and sending it in with the survey. I do care about my kids safety but I don't consider this stuff as do or die. Then again the crazy helicopter parents think I'm beyond negligent because my kids learned to use a microwave at 4 or 5, learned to use a toaster at 3, are allowed to play outside unsupervised, can roam the neighborhood (the older 3 anyway), go to the bus stop without me, stay home by themselves, go to the park on their own, etc.
In fact Brenna ran off to play with friends shortly after getting home and finishing her chores. She's 9 and took her bike (but forgot to close the garage door so I have to go do that in a minute). And Nora just left to go see if her friend could play. She's almost 6 and has been walking to and from her friend's house down the street since she was 4 1/2. She's now allowed to play outside all alone if she wishes and can go to the park if she's with the older kids. I even let her walk herself to the park the other day because I knew the older kids were already there. I think she can handle crossing 1 barely busy street.
It bugged the crap out of me that I had to fill out special paperwork for her to be allowed to get off the bus without an adult present at the bus stop. Never mind she rides the bus with her older brother and sister who are in 4th and 3rd grades. And there are about 7 other kids at their stop. And then when I got the paper to sign it was actually for her to be able to get off the bus with no one (no adult, no siblings, etc) waiting for her. It released the bus company of any liability should something happen to her while she walked the block to our house. According to the paper it was always perfectly okay for her to get off the bus with her brother or sister and there was nothing that needed to be signed for that. Grrr.
I shouldn't have to jump through all those hoops. Or worry someone will call family services because they don't agree with the way I parent. Luckily most of the parents around here do things the same way. There are always kids wandering around the area, going to stores on their own, waiting at the bus stop (except the kindy kids with no older siblings because of the hoops above), riding bikes, playing in the street, and just enjoying their childhood. I love it here. I don't even think twice about going out now and leaving the older 4 at home (or any of the older 3 by themselves).
Okay, random ranting done. I now have to go clean up the mess Meagan made in the kitchen that she doesn't think she should have to clean. Ugh.
no subject
:: shrugs :: I'll worry about it with the next kiddo (whenever that is). We tried baby proofing but our baby just got smarter :-/
no subject
We did some babyproofing when Meagan was a baby but that was more for my convenience than anything. We put outlet covers on some of the outlets but that didn't last past a couple years because they all broke off in the outlets making them unusable which was annoying.
We also had a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs to keep Meagan from going up them and one on the kitchen door because the kitchen wasn't finished.
But really we did nothing else. The cabinet under the sink already had a latch on it when we moved in (I was 12). I think we also had to put a lock on the cabinet where we kept the pots and pans because she kept dragging it all out and I was tired of picking it up (again, my convenience not a safety thing).
After her we really didn't do anything else. When Nora was little we were living in an apartment and had to confine her to the living room because we were on the 2nd floor and our stairs going down to the front door couldn't have a gate on them (there was a window right across from the banister). But other than that we did nothing. We had radiators and she learned right off the bat to not touch them because they were hot, no need to baby proof them.
Same with Jack. Our house has electric space heaters in the walls in the living room, family room and bedrooms. One of Jack's first words was "hot". He would put his hand in front of the heater and say it over and over. He avoids them when they are on because he may be 1 but he's not stupid.
no subject
Not saying I agree with everything my grandmother did raising me, not in the least, but by the age of five if I made a mess I knew it was mine to clean up and not someone else's responsibility.
Just listening to other folks talk about their kids and even the attitude of people I grew up with- it just astounds me the sense of entitlement and how every personal failure is obviously someone else's fault... I just don't get it.
And that list you posted- no wonder kids grow up useless and helpless if, like you said, it seems the powers that be want the world childproofed instead of 'worldproofing' your kids. You should get a medal not have to be worried about child protective services!
no subject
The problem I run up against with parenting is that I've been trying to teach my kids that they aren't entitled but society (TV, teachers, other people in authority) constantly reinforce the idea that they are. It's frustrating.
The pass the blame thing pisses me off to no end. Meagan seems to think all her problems are someone else's fault (usually mine). My other kids aren't that bad but they tend to feed off of Meagan's attitude so when she's really going at it they start getting worse and worse. Otherwise they usually listen. Although right now I'm about to go postal on both Meagan and Owen.
no subject
My other kids aren't that bad and when they screw up they do realize it's their fault even if they try and blame someone else. That's normal kid behavior. But Meagan...she really believes things aren't her fault. When she hits her brother she can't understand why she's in trouble because in her mind it was obviously her brother's fault he got hit because he made her mad. She couldn't help it.
It's really frustrating because she's so smart but her logic is not normal logic. Sometimes I want to shake her silly.
And it really doesn't help when schools and teachers don't really hold the kids responsible for anything. We had issues back in 3rd and 4th grade with her refusing to do homework because the teachers would just give her extra days to make it up. She figured why do it when it was assigned if she could just turn it in whenever and no one cared. That's the message she got from it. Now she's in 6th grade where they give the kids much more freedom and she abuses it.
She never brings her stuff home to do at home and then throws a fit because she's failing classes. Last term she had 7 or 8 missing assignments in math and had a huge tantrum because I didn't understand why they weren't done. Her reasoning was she couldn't get them done in the time allotted in class so it was the teacher's fault she didn't finish them. She did not understand she was supposed to bring them home to finish them. She hasn't had homework in months according to her and yet she's now failing science. Earlier this term she was failing history because she missed the first 2 assignments (just didn't do them).
Around and around we go with her. Gives me a headache.
re: the safety "homework"
Another thing that bugs me about it is, while I realize that a lot of it is motivated by the fact that they don't want anything bad to happen to their kids (and hey, that's a great goal), I personally considering learning fear (of strangers, situations, etc) and helplessness (not being allowed to explore, fail, etc) as something bad happening to them, and thus as something to be avoided. go you for keeping a healthy perspective!
Re: the safety "homework"
The world (at least here in the US) isn't any more dangerous than it was when we were kids, it's just advertised more with the availability or mass media.
I worry more about the kids falling and breaking an arm than being kidnapped (especially when our ER co-pay is $150!). Traffic in our neighborhood isn't a real issue either but when we lived in Chicago it was.
Yesterday Brenna (9 1/2) and her friends organized a picnic at the park since it was 65F out. All on the bus on the way home. She came in, did her chores quick, then made a sandwich and ran off to the park down the street. She came back around 6pm, sweaty and grinning like crazy. She said just about everyone she knew was there. They all had a blast.
I can't imagine not allowing this kind of thing. That's part of childhood. I grew up in a pretty crappy neighborhood in Chicago but we were still allowed to roam around and those are my best memories. I want my kids to experience that.
Of course, there are risks. Brenna has come home more than once covered in blood, lol. Just the other day she fell on the street and scraped up her side and elbow (right over the old scars from her bike accident last year). I do worry about something happening but the benefits of independent, capable children (and some day--adults) outweighs the risks in my mind.