Yeah. That probably hurts the most. She would have been the best gramma ever. She was so excited when I was having Meagan. She had planned to come down and be at the hospital with me. Then 3 days before my c-section she called to tell me she couldn't come because she wasn't feeling right. Her left side had gone numb and she was feeling confused a lot. She said she had woke up the day before and couldn't remember how to dress herself. And that wasn't the first time. She had the same symptoms when I was in high school and they doctors did all sorts of tests and told her it was all in her head (morons). She was only in her mid-40s the first time so I guess no one wanted to think of the "S" word.
The last time my dad rushed her to the ER when she started acting disoriented and they immediately diagnosed a small stroke. She was 51. When I was in the hospital having Meagan she was back in Chicago in the hospital getting tests done. We chatted about crappy hospital food, lol.
When Meagan was 3 weeks old we moved in with my parents so we could find better jobs. Originally the plan had been for my mom to babysit so I could work, too, but with the stroke it wasn't really possible. She was terrified she would drop the baby or forget about her.
On August 16 I started a new job (my husband was also out of work which was a long story that involves my hatred for Wal-mart). When my husband picked me up that night I remember looking back and being hit with a feeling that I would never go back to that job, that something bad was going to happen. It was really strange and I just shook it off. I wasn't due back to work until the 18th because my mom was having surgery on the 17th.
The surgery was supposed to be "routine" to unblock one of the arteries in her neck that caused the stroke. That morning she got up early and I woke up just in time to wish her luck and tell her I'd wait until the next morning to come visit when she was out of recovery and feeling better. I didn't hug her, didn't say good-bye.
I never spoke to her again. I didn't hear anything from my dad the whole day so I assumed everything was fine. We went to bed and very early the next morning I got up and my dad was in the hall screaming at me about my mom. The hospital called and we had to get there right away.
I finally found out he never called because he was too busy watching my mom fight for her life. She had a massive stroke on the operating table. She woke up in recovery enough to mumble for water then slipped into a coma. They operated on her once more to relieve the pressure in her brain but by Friday she had almost no reflexes left. The only one was the eye touch (if you touched her eyeball her eyelids would flicker).
It was so awful.
On Saturday, August 19, 2000, they declared her braindead. I remember I finally lost it then. I thought I was going to be sick and had to rush into the bathroom to throw up.
My brother was a wreck. He hadn't seen her in over a year and hadn't talked to her in months. Then he gets the call from one of our cousins saying his mom is dying. He couldn't get a plane ticket home until another cousin bought an emergency one outright (it was expensive). He said he bawled the whole flight.
2000 was a crazy year for me. Starting with Christmas 99 when I found out my gramma died (that morning). Then her funeral a few days before New Year's. We got married in January, moved in with my in-laws in May, had Meagan in June, moved in with my parents in July, lost my mom in August. Oy. If it hadn't been for Meagan the whole year would have been a bust (the wedding was more stressful than anything and happened in the first week of the year, lol).
Sometimes it feels like forever since I've talked to her and other times I think she'll just call out of the blue, like it's only been a couple weeks. The first couple of years I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her any time one of the kids did something new. Sometimes I even reached for the phone before remembering she wasn't there any more. Those were the hardest times. It's gotten easier over the years but I miss her every day.
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Date: 14 Aug 2011 11:43 pm (UTC)The last time my dad rushed her to the ER when she started acting disoriented and they immediately diagnosed a small stroke. She was 51. When I was in the hospital having Meagan she was back in Chicago in the hospital getting tests done. We chatted about crappy hospital food, lol.
When Meagan was 3 weeks old we moved in with my parents so we could find better jobs. Originally the plan had been for my mom to babysit so I could work, too, but with the stroke it wasn't really possible. She was terrified she would drop the baby or forget about her.
On August 16 I started a new job (my husband was also out of work which was a long story that involves my hatred for Wal-mart). When my husband picked me up that night I remember looking back and being hit with a feeling that I would never go back to that job, that something bad was going to happen. It was really strange and I just shook it off. I wasn't due back to work until the 18th because my mom was having surgery on the 17th.
The surgery was supposed to be "routine" to unblock one of the arteries in her neck that caused the stroke. That morning she got up early and I woke up just in time to wish her luck and tell her I'd wait until the next morning to come visit when she was out of recovery and feeling better. I didn't hug her, didn't say good-bye.
I never spoke to her again. I didn't hear anything from my dad the whole day so I assumed everything was fine. We went to bed and very early the next morning I got up and my dad was in the hall screaming at me about my mom. The hospital called and we had to get there right away.
I finally found out he never called because he was too busy watching my mom fight for her life. She had a massive stroke on the operating table. She woke up in recovery enough to mumble for water then slipped into a coma. They operated on her once more to relieve the pressure in her brain but by Friday she had almost no reflexes left. The only one was the eye touch (if you touched her eyeball her eyelids would flicker).
It was so awful.
On Saturday, August 19, 2000, they declared her braindead. I remember I finally lost it then. I thought I was going to be sick and had to rush into the bathroom to throw up.
My brother was a wreck. He hadn't seen her in over a year and hadn't talked to her in months. Then he gets the call from one of our cousins saying his mom is dying. He couldn't get a plane ticket home until another cousin bought an emergency one outright (it was expensive). He said he bawled the whole flight.
2000 was a crazy year for me. Starting with Christmas 99 when I found out my gramma died (that morning). Then her funeral a few days before New Year's. We got married in January, moved in with my in-laws in May, had Meagan in June, moved in with my parents in July, lost my mom in August. Oy. If it hadn't been for Meagan the whole year would have been a bust (the wedding was more stressful than anything and happened in the first week of the year, lol).
Sometimes it feels like forever since I've talked to her and other times I think she'll just call out of the blue, like it's only been a couple weeks. The first couple of years I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her any time one of the kids did something new. Sometimes I even reached for the phone before remembering she wasn't there any more. Those were the hardest times. It's gotten easier over the years but I miss her every day.