Random Insanity

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Chapter Sixty - Missing Again

Bellamy wakes slowly— a feeling of warmth caressing him inside and out. Just like the last three mornings he’s woken up here, he doesn't want to leave Clarke’s bed today, either, but he needs to get going before the craziness starts.

They’ve been steadily moving people out of the halls back to their quarters on the other side of the station for the last few days, and today they are clearing out the refugee camp that will once again be open as a fully-functioning Mess Hall. It’s going to be a long day of moving heavy crates, cleaning, and stopping the occasional fight, and Bellamy wants to get it done as quickly as possible because once the Grounders are all on their own side of the station, the better things will be. At least he hopes it will curb some of the drama he’s been dealing with since the evacuation.

Reluctantly, he slides out from under Clarke’s arm and gets dressed. He pecks Clarke on the forehead but doesn’t wake her before slipping out of the room.

Bellamy skips going to his office and heads right to the Mess Hall while reading the scraps of paper with Clarke’s carefully inscribed list of names in order of their move, but when he gets to the Mess, it’s already pandemonium as the Grounders pack up their personal belongings and Arkadians move crates that have been temporarily stored in the large room. In the space that had been cleared last night, tables are already set up where civilians watch the chaos and eat their breakfast.

We’d get a lot more done if you helped instead of just watching, he thinks, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he hops up onto a crate to get everyone’s attention.

“Good morning,” he calls until most eyes are on him. “I know everyone is anxious to get back to their own quarters, but if you’ll just be patient a little longer, we can do this in an orderly fashion so everything ends up where it belongs without any issues.” Unlike yesterday when two groups of Arkadians began fighting over a single crate of belongings they both claimed as their own which ended up actually belonging to neither of them. That only took twenty minutes to figure out. The crate was still sitting in his office waiting to be retrieved by the owners.

( Read more... )

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I got this comment on AO3 for Heaven Can't Wait:

I love bellarke so i hate to say this but honestly i don't even know if these two should be together. Bellamy is so idk depressed? Broken? that he attached himself to a random grounder kid and now is kinda using clarke in the same way, to fill a hole that heaven barely filled. Like i said i love bellarke. Just worried i guess, that like canon, these characters don't fit enough to make it really workable

It's made me think a lot about the story, my original intentions for it, and how it turned out. Originally, the story was part of a series of stories based on prompts that all revolved around Bellamy/Clarke (Bellarke). That was my intention when I started writing it. Originally, Heaven was just going to be a means to get the together in adorable domestic bliss. But I'm bad at writing straight fluff.

I strung out the scenes with Bellamy and Heaven together, added in a bunch of existential angst for Bellamy, and created a rivalry between Heaven and Clarke. All of which has kept Bellarke from even happening in the story, at least in a meaningful way. It hasn't been helped by the fact that it's taken me five years to write the dang thing. I've lost my original tone and left so many plot holes simply because I forgot what I had planned to do with tidbits of information I dropped.

The thing is the story really isn't about Bellamy falling in love with Clarke anymore. It's about him saving Heaven. Bellarke is barely even a B plotline. In fact, if you really dive into the story, the B-plot is him taking on the job as Commander of the Guard and trying to solve some murders. Bellarke is relegated to a minor plot arc in the background of the story.

( SPOILERS: Read at your own risk )

I guess I should apologize to my readers for leading them on all these years, especially when they've been so patient (there was a full year gap between updates at one point), understanding, and supportive. But how do I tell them I think I've been leading them on all of these years? This isn't the only message of some frustration over my portrayal of Bellarke I've gotten. They're framed in a way that lets me know they understand that's where the story is going, but I can tell it's still frustrating to them. 

And now I'm afraid, after writing chapter 62, that I'm going to lose readers because Bellamy has to make some hard choices in his life. I don't think my readers are going to appreciate the direction the story goes even if, like the example above, they agree with his choice because Bellamy has too much going on for a relationship at the moment.

I've plotted most of the end of the story out, and I don't know what to do about the direction things are going because that's just where the story is going. To change it would mean to rewrite a good chunk of what I've already posted, and that's not going to happen. So I guess, I'm sorry, Dear Readers, for disappointing you with my lackluster plotting and writing. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe if I write that sequel I have partially plotted out?

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Chapter Fifty-Seven - Busy With Work

“What did you need?” Bellamy asks as soon as he arrives in Engineering.

Raven’s expression is grim as she guides him to a corner where some screens are set up around a computer terminal. Kane is waiting for them. “I’ve been going through security footage of the other side of the station, checking radiation levels and stuff. It’s routine.”

“And?”

She taps at the keyboard. “I found something in one of the closed sectors.”

“Found something? Like a radiation leak?”

Raven grimaces. “Like bodies,” she whispers, turning a screen towards Bellamy.

The image on the screen is in grainy black and white, but the unmistakable shapes of five people piled in front of a door are clear enough.

“Where is this?”

“Just on the Grounder side of the station. One of the last lockdown points—junction 17-C.”

A memory prods at the back of his mind. “I saw someone working on this door the other day. He said it was malfunctioning.”

Raven’s frown deepens. She checks something on the computer then looks up at Bellamy. “There’s no record of any repairs on that door.”

Now Bellamy is frowning. Why would Jeff lie to him? Unless he’s part of this group targeting the Grounders. The thought makes him sick. He left Heaven with Jeff.

Is she in danger? If Jeff is siding with Farm Station why would he even be okay with taking in a Grounder child? Unless he has some plan for her.

The thoughts swirl, getting darker and darker until someone squeezes his shoulder.

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"So this is your favorite food?" Katara asks, admiring the plating of the dish. 

Zuko grins as he cuts the round bread into four large pieces. "It's called a Fire Fritter. It's filled with sweet cream and fried then drizzled with Fire Flake sauce."

"Both sweet and spicy, huh? That seems to be common in the Fire Nation." Katara takes a tentative bite of the fried dough, being careful to get more of the sweet filling than the flaming-red icing. The bread itself is moist with a hint of sweetness, but the filling melts in her mouth full of sugar and a hint of mango, but then a bit of the Fire Flake sauce bursts on top of the sweetness, adding just a touch of heat that slightly burns the roof of her mouth before she swallows.

"So?" Zuko asks, his hands fidgeting with the edge of the plate. He's looking anywhere but at her.

Katara licks her lips, considering the mish-mash of flavors. "It's amazing Zuko, although the sauce is a little too spicy for my tastes, but I could eat the rest every day."

A smile spreads across his face. "They make a version with a milder sauce—you can try that one next time."

Katara smiles, too, as she takes another bite, this time avoiding the Fire Flake sauce. She really could eat the sweet cream filling all day long. "You have really good food in the Fire Nation," she tells him, licking her fingers free of every crumb. "Lots of variety and flavors."

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As a child, Zuko dreaded the sinking of the sun. It meant a disconnect from Agni—a dwindling of his inner flame—making bending all the more difficult. But since joining the Avatar on his adventures, the setting sun has meant something completely different to Zuko.

He made his way down to the beach where he found Katara—the moon shimmering in her hair—as she worked through every Waterbending form she knew.

His heart swelled at the sight, but he quietly retreated before she could notice him. His dreams would again be filled with waves and fierce blue eyes.

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Good Morning

Katara had never been what one would consider a morning person. Oh, she got up early every day no matter what, but she never enjoyed it. Things changed when Zuko joined the group, though. That boy could predict the moment the rays of the sun first appeared over the horizon and would be on the beach, ready to practice his forms.

Katara hated to admit that she loved to watch from her window in the house as Zuko meticulously went through each position in his Firebending. She’d never admit to anyone—even under duress—that she appreciated he worked shirtless.

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Chapter Fifty-Six - Other Things to Worry About

This time when Bellamy wakes, it’s to keys in the cage door. The clinking and creaking of metal pulls him from a now thankfully dreamless sleep. The door swings open as a yawn escapes. He glances up through puffy, sore eyes at a stern-looking Indra. For a split second, he’s back on that field, convincing Pike to let her live. He won’t lie and say he hasn’t wondered more than once if that was a mistake.

Her lips are set in a grim line. She moves out of the way without saying anything to let Kane in who quickly uncuffs Bellamy and offers him a hand up.

Bellamy gets to weak legs, rubbing his sore wrists. “What’s going on?”

“I’m releasing you on your own recognizance.”

“What? Why?” Bellamy glances at the other men in the cage who have woken with the noise as well. He leans in closer to Kane. “The assault-”

“Those charges have been dropped.”

Bellamy blinks at Kane, not sure he heard him correctly. “Dropped?”

Indra stands a little taller. “By Grounder law, you did nothing wrong in protecting the child. Benedict got his due justice for striking someone too weak to defend themselves.”

Bellamy runs a hand over his face. “But-”

“Bellamy,” Kane says, taking him by the arm to guide him out of the cage, “just accept this mercy and promise not to let your emotions get the better of you again.”

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Chapter Fifty-Three - Anything to Help

Nicole and Jeff look between the faces staring back at them in a tight semi-circle in Abby’s office, brows furrowed as they take in the info. Bellamy sits at the desk, holding Heaven tightly like she might just vanish. He’s afraid to blink. To breathe. He’s that sure everything is going to just fall apart if he moves. Heaven finally fell asleep ten minutes ago, and her little puffs of breath against his neck are the only thing keeping him grounded in this reality.

“What exactly is a Nightblood?” Jeff finally asks. He doesn’t appear very keen on Bellamy’s idea yet.

Clarke launches into a historical account of Becca and the Commanders.

“So she’s a Commander?” asks Nicole.

“She will be,” Indra corrects. “When she’s older and trained.”

“It’s a little complicated,” Clarke adds. “Right now, she’s just a kid with different blood.”

“Super blood,” says Jeff. “That can filter radiation.”

The group nods. Bellamy rubs at his eyes. The pain presses against his forehead, threatening to break free and kill them all if they don’t settle this now.

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Chapter Fifty-One - This Is Not a Drill

It’s been three days since they fixed the transformer and closed the doors. Two days since Kane made the official announcement at dinner that the Grounders would be temporarily moving to the Arkadian side of the station. Two days since you’d think the world had already ended the way people were acting.

Bellamy sips tea in the Mess Hall with Clarke and their other friends watching what can only be described as organized chaos. Light on the organization. Part of him thinks he should go help, but he’s off duty at the moment. And just really tired of all the bullshit. Half the room has been stacked to the ceiling with crates, while the other half has the tables being broken down. They need the space as a refugee camp—meals will be eaten in quarters after today. It’s their last little taste of freedom.

Anxiety is high. Tensions are so taught, the barely-maintained peace might snap at any second. Bellamy continues to sip his tea, focusing on the feel of Clarke’s hand gently massaging his knee in comfort. Across the room, Nicole smiles at him as she tries to gather a group of children together for storytime. Is it Wednesday already? It’s been a week since Heaven sat in that circle listening to the story, making friends, just being a kid.

“You okay?” Clarke whispers while their friends laugh at something, completely oblivious to his anguish.

“Yeah, I just need to go talk to someone. See you after work?”

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