When Your Story Disappoints
28 Apr 2022 07:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennickelsI got this comment on AO3 for Heaven Can't Wait:
I strung out the scenes with Bellamy and Heaven together, added in a bunch of existential angst for Bellamy, and created a rivalry between Heaven and Clarke. All of which has kept Bellarke from even happening in the story, at least in a meaningful way. It hasn't been helped by the fact that it's taken me five years to write the dang thing. I've lost my original tone and left so many plot holes simply because I forgot what I had planned to do with tidbits of information I dropped.
The thing is the story really isn't about Bellamy falling in love with Clarke anymore. It's about him saving Heaven. Bellarke is barely even a B plotline. In fact, if you really dive into the story, the B-plot is him taking on the job as Commander of the Guard and trying to solve some murders. Bellarke is relegated to a minor plot arc in the background of the story.
And here's the truth of the story, if you want some spoilers, Bellarke isn't going to happen. Not the way my readers are probably expecting. Not anymore. Because the story isn't about them. It's about Bellamy and Heaven. Or more to the point, about Bellamy's journey to being a parent. And in the end he will sacrifice everything for his child, including his relationship with Clarke.
I've written up through chapter 62 which is the beginning of the end for Bellarke. And I know how the story ends even if I haven't written those chapters yet. Bellarke has no chance of happening because Bellamy isn't staying in the station. He can't if he wants to keep Heaven safe from the Grounders and Farm Station. That's my final plot twist of the story--a great escape for Bellamy and Heaven.
I guess the other truth of the matter is that I've forgotten how to write romance, angsty or otherwise. I flounder every time I have to write a scene with Bellamy and Clarke together. They all sound choppy and unsatisfying. I don't write sex scenes so they must fade-to-black which is fine, but the scenes I have been writing have been a couple paragraphs at most and then it's dark with the next day dawning. I'm sure it's leaving my readers frustrated.
I've considered removing the Bellarke tag from the story. Or modifying it so it's more Bellarke in the background or something that let's readers know that the story is Bellamy-focused with just a side of romance that may or may not fully happen.
I guess I should apologize to my readers for leading them on all these years, especially when they've been so patient (there was a full year gap between updates at one point), understanding, and supportive. But how do I tell them I think I've been leading them on all of these years? This isn't the only message of some frustration over my portrayal of Bellarke I've gotten. They're framed in a way that lets me know they understand that's where the story is going, but I can tell it's still frustrating to them.
And now I'm afraid, after writing chapter 62, that I'm going to lose readers because Bellamy has to make some hard choices in his life. I don't think my readers are going to appreciate the direction the story goes even if, like the example above, they agree with his choice because Bellamy has too much going on for a relationship at the moment.
I've plotted most of the end of the story out, and I don't know what to do about the direction things are going because that's just where the story is going. To change it would mean to rewrite a good chunk of what I've already posted, and that's not going to happen. So I guess, I'm sorry, Dear Readers, for disappointing you with my lackluster plotting and writing. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe if I write that sequel I have partially plotted out?
I love bellarke so i hate to say this but honestly i don't even know if these two should be together. Bellamy is so idk depressed? Broken? that he attached himself to a random grounder kid and now is kinda using clarke in the same way, to fill a hole that heaven barely filled. Like i said i love bellarke. Just worried i guess, that like canon, these characters don't fit enough to make it really workableIt's made me think a lot about the story, my original intentions for it, and how it turned out. Originally, the story was part of a series of stories based on prompts that all revolved around Bellamy/Clarke (Bellarke). That was my intention when I started writing it. Originally, Heaven was just going to be a means to get the together in adorable domestic bliss. But I'm bad at writing straight fluff.
I strung out the scenes with Bellamy and Heaven together, added in a bunch of existential angst for Bellamy, and created a rivalry between Heaven and Clarke. All of which has kept Bellarke from even happening in the story, at least in a meaningful way. It hasn't been helped by the fact that it's taken me five years to write the dang thing. I've lost my original tone and left so many plot holes simply because I forgot what I had planned to do with tidbits of information I dropped.
The thing is the story really isn't about Bellamy falling in love with Clarke anymore. It's about him saving Heaven. Bellarke is barely even a B plotline. In fact, if you really dive into the story, the B-plot is him taking on the job as Commander of the Guard and trying to solve some murders. Bellarke is relegated to a minor plot arc in the background of the story.
And here's the truth of the story, if you want some spoilers, Bellarke isn't going to happen. Not the way my readers are probably expecting. Not anymore. Because the story isn't about them. It's about Bellamy and Heaven. Or more to the point, about Bellamy's journey to being a parent. And in the end he will sacrifice everything for his child, including his relationship with Clarke.
I've written up through chapter 62 which is the beginning of the end for Bellarke. And I know how the story ends even if I haven't written those chapters yet. Bellarke has no chance of happening because Bellamy isn't staying in the station. He can't if he wants to keep Heaven safe from the Grounders and Farm Station. That's my final plot twist of the story--a great escape for Bellamy and Heaven.
I guess the other truth of the matter is that I've forgotten how to write romance, angsty or otherwise. I flounder every time I have to write a scene with Bellamy and Clarke together. They all sound choppy and unsatisfying. I don't write sex scenes so they must fade-to-black which is fine, but the scenes I have been writing have been a couple paragraphs at most and then it's dark with the next day dawning. I'm sure it's leaving my readers frustrated.
I've considered removing the Bellarke tag from the story. Or modifying it so it's more Bellarke in the background or something that let's readers know that the story is Bellamy-focused with just a side of romance that may or may not fully happen.
I guess I should apologize to my readers for leading them on all these years, especially when they've been so patient (there was a full year gap between updates at one point), understanding, and supportive. But how do I tell them I think I've been leading them on all of these years? This isn't the only message of some frustration over my portrayal of Bellarke I've gotten. They're framed in a way that lets me know they understand that's where the story is going, but I can tell it's still frustrating to them.
And now I'm afraid, after writing chapter 62, that I'm going to lose readers because Bellamy has to make some hard choices in his life. I don't think my readers are going to appreciate the direction the story goes even if, like the example above, they agree with his choice because Bellamy has too much going on for a relationship at the moment.
I've plotted most of the end of the story out, and I don't know what to do about the direction things are going because that's just where the story is going. To change it would mean to rewrite a good chunk of what I've already posted, and that's not going to happen. So I guess, I'm sorry, Dear Readers, for disappointing you with my lackluster plotting and writing. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe if I write that sequel I have partially plotted out?
