I had so many people tell me, "well she's up in heaven now watching over you, she's your guardian angel." And I had to just grin and nod because it wasn't the time to get into a religious debate. I still found some comfort in the thought of her looking down even if I didn't believe it was true. It was the imagery I found comforting. It just bugged me that everyone just assumed I believed in a literal heaven. Made things harder.
I love the idea of the Quantum Mirror. That fits into my beliefs easily. I can totally get behind multiple universes before they idea of a god and heaven.
I think I'll sleep with that idea tonight. You totally made my day. This time of the year is always so hard. Either I'm subconsciously keeping extra busy so I don't think about it or I'm dwelling and feeling like crap.
Then November and her birthday rolls around. She never got to see 52. She was way too young to die. Two years ago her birthday fell on Thanksgiving and I was in the middle of cooking dinner and it just hit me that she was gone. I was trying so hard to make dinner like she always did and everything was going wrong and I felt like I failed her for some stupid reason.
I was right in the middle of mixing something and just burst into tears and ran from the room. My husband was flabbergasted. I cried myself to sleep for an hour then got up and finished cooking (what my husband and dad didn't get to). That was the hardest Thanksgiving/birthday I had. I'm crying now just thinking about it.
Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday and hers, too, I think. I loved to help her cook it... as long as she didn't make me get up at o'dark thirty to put the turkey in, lol.
Quantum Mirror... that's how I want to imagine it from now on. In some parallel universe she's visiting us and spoiling the kids rotten and can't wait for Thanksgiving so she can give up the task of cooking to me and just enjoy her life. That's such a wonderful thought.
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Date: 15 Aug 2011 12:14 am (UTC)I had so many people tell me, "well she's up in heaven now watching over you, she's your guardian angel." And I had to just grin and nod because it wasn't the time to get into a religious debate. I still found some comfort in the thought of her looking down even if I didn't believe it was true. It was the imagery I found comforting. It just bugged me that everyone just assumed I believed in a literal heaven. Made things harder.
I love the idea of the Quantum Mirror. That fits into my beliefs easily. I can totally get behind multiple universes before they idea of a god and heaven.
I think I'll sleep with that idea tonight. You totally made my day. This time of the year is always so hard. Either I'm subconsciously keeping extra busy so I don't think about it or I'm dwelling and feeling like crap.
Then November and her birthday rolls around. She never got to see 52. She was way too young to die. Two years ago her birthday fell on Thanksgiving and I was in the middle of cooking dinner and it just hit me that she was gone. I was trying so hard to make dinner like she always did and everything was going wrong and I felt like I failed her for some stupid reason.
I was right in the middle of mixing something and just burst into tears and ran from the room. My husband was flabbergasted. I cried myself to sleep for an hour then got up and finished cooking (what my husband and dad didn't get to). That was the hardest Thanksgiving/birthday I had. I'm crying now just thinking about it.
Thanksgiving was always my favorite holiday and hers, too, I think. I loved to help her cook it... as long as she didn't make me get up at o'dark thirty to put the turkey in, lol.
Quantum Mirror... that's how I want to imagine it from now on. In some parallel universe she's visiting us and spoiling the kids rotten and can't wait for Thanksgiving so she can give up the task of cooking to me and just enjoy her life. That's such a wonderful thought.
*can't see through the tears*