migraine

There is absolutely no denying one of my migraine triggers. It took me years to figure it out and I've tried to explain to my family but I don't think they get it. Not even Owen who also has migraines.

One of my triggers is being woken from a deep sleep, especially by a loud noise.

This morning I was sleeping really good, kind of in a state where I was dreaming this really interesting dream in a way that I was aware it was a dream but was still filly enveloped by it. It's hard to explain.

Anyway I was warm and comfy and totally involved in this interesting dream (that I can no longer remember--I hate when that happens) when Patrick came in to get ready for work. He didn't make any loud noises. All he did was open the door to the room and instantly I had a migraine. And it was one of the worst I've had in years. It was an instant piercing pain in the center of my brain, like screwdrivers being pushed into each eye socket and twisted around while a vice squeezed my head. The pounding of my own blood in my head was like a sledgehammer and is of course inescapable.

I actually cried because it hurt so fucking much. I laid there for a few minutes hoping that once the initial shock of being woken would settle and it wouldn't hurt so much but no such luck. It just felt worse. So I laid there groaning and moaning in so much pain. Finally I got up and went to get some caffeine (it helps with migraines and is actually in migraine medicine). It was so bad I couldn't barely talk--it just hurt too much. Then Jack started complaining he was hungry and I was sure I was going to die from the pain. Luckily Patrick hadn't left yet so he quickly made Jack a sandwich and gave me two of his Vicodin he had left.

Let me try to put it into perspective. Anyone that has taken Vicodin should know how it works, how much pain it can take away, how loopy it makes you. I've taken this or Percocet (which is pretty much the same thing) after my c-sections to control the pain from major surgery and it works. A day after having my abdomen sliced open, a baby pulled out of a small opening, uterus plopped onto my stomach for inspection then everything shoved back inside and sewn up I'm taking Vicodin and it usually took all the pain away leaving just a dull ache.

Well, I took to Vicodin and it only took the edge off. The migraine is still there. Every time I move it hurts. When I talk it hurts. The lights are way too bright in my room and the light is off and the blinds are close. They are not blocking enough of the light. I'd love to put something over them but the thought of moving is too scary. It would be agonizing.

In other words this is a bad fucking migraine.

And the kids have a half day today. Meagan just got home and I had to discuss homework and behavior with her. She was actually in a good mood so there was no yelling or screaming and only a little whining. But the other 3 should be walking in the door any minute and Nora's behavior has been out of control. She's crazy and I get screamed at by her all day long. Like right into my face like Meagan does.

I begged Meagan to just be the responsible big sister for once. I even mentioned how selfish she was and she readily admitted she was. But I asked her to take some initiative as the oldest and get the other kids to clean up the house (Patrick already talked to them this morning about this) and all that. She didn't really like that idea but there was the prospect of playing Sims after so she might do it.

My biggest problem is keeping Nora out of my hair/room. I don't think I can handle her high, squeaky voice today. She NEVER stops talking and she has the most annoying fake laugh ever. I know that sounds horrible coming from a mother but it's the truth (Vicodin makes me more honest I think, more open). I just can't deal with her today and I know that will hurt her feelings but... the fucking pain is killing me and I have so much crap to do with writing and stuff. I'm in fucking trouble with that. I have to do my first therealljidol entry (due tomorrow) and all I want to do is go to bed. So much trouble.