That's what I thought too about the one week thing. I was wondering if jumping on it so quick then back off would have any effect at all since you usually have to get your system used to a drug before you notice a difference but it was almost instantaneous. I considered maybe it was just my brain thinking this were better, like the placebo effect so I remained calm and tried to find any clues that I was just imagining feeling better. But after a few days I realized how relaxed I felt and not a single sign of the debilitating PMS (and it was awful, unmistakable and predictable).
I really didn't think coming off it would be a big deal. I figured only a week on, not enough in my system to make a difference. Duh, should have realized that if I felt that good so quickly after starting it that it would screw things up when I stopped taking it just as suddenly.
Honestly, I wasn't expecting any miracles. I figured I'd get my hopes up and nothing would happen. At most I was hoping for a slight decline in the crazy feelings I was having during PMS. Something to put me back on the level of functioning. What I felt was amazing--a high I never experienced before.
I'm kind of afraid that what I'm feeling now isn't withdrawal but was how I was feeling all along except now my brain knows there's so much more and can't accept the status quo and is short circuiting trying to process the regular emotions/feeling I had before the Paxil. I thought I was feeling pretty good before but what if I was never more than this but didn't notice it because I had nothing to compare it to? Like I didn't know any better. Now I do and it scares me that I'll never feel that again and I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life. It's actually terrifying me. Or even worse, I'll go back on the Paxil, feel great but my body will adjust fast and constantly have to up the dosage until it's too dangerous to take and and I'm back to this. I think I'll kill myself if that happens because I can't live like this any more. I just can't.
This is the kind of crap swirling in my head like a hurricane.
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Date: 17 Mar 2013 10:15 pm (UTC)I really didn't think coming off it would be a big deal. I figured only a week on, not enough in my system to make a difference. Duh, should have realized that if I felt that good so quickly after starting it that it would screw things up when I stopped taking it just as suddenly.
Honestly, I wasn't expecting any miracles. I figured I'd get my hopes up and nothing would happen. At most I was hoping for a slight decline in the crazy feelings I was having during PMS. Something to put me back on the level of functioning. What I felt was amazing--a high I never experienced before.
I'm kind of afraid that what I'm feeling now isn't withdrawal but was how I was feeling all along except now my brain knows there's so much more and can't accept the status quo and is short circuiting trying to process the regular emotions/feeling I had before the Paxil. I thought I was feeling pretty good before but what if I was never more than this but didn't notice it because I had nothing to compare it to? Like I didn't know any better. Now I do and it scares me that I'll never feel that again and I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life. It's actually terrifying me. Or even worse, I'll go back on the Paxil, feel great but my body will adjust fast and constantly have to up the dosage until it's too dangerous to take and and I'm back to this. I think I'll kill myself if that happens because I can't live like this any more. I just can't.
This is the kind of crap swirling in my head like a hurricane.