hurt and angry

my dh is really pissing me off lately. his attitude is awful. He gets this whole "my way or no way" thing going on and I want to smack him. Just now Meagan came in to tell him that the Steelers won the game last night. She is learning all about the Steelers in school and has brought home several art projects they did while the team was going through the play offs. She is very into it all and was sad that I couldn't get her a t-shirt when they had their Steelers day a few weeks ago.

So dh's reaction is to grab her and start mock spanking her and telling her she isn't allowed to say that word in the house because we are 49er fans. It just makes me so mad. He made her cry and doesn't see anything wrong with it. He thinks he is just playing but Meagan was really upset. He says it is his house and we will only root for teams that he likes--which are the 49ers and Raiders. You know what, if were actually from California or ever lived there it wouldn't be a big deal. But we are not and never have lived there. Dh grew up in Houston and Missouri and I'm from Chicago. Now we live in Pittsburgh.

I just hate the attidude. He is so unsupportive of anything we like. Like NASCAR. Dh is a big Roush fan. So of course I root for his drivers, too (my favorite is Carl Edwards). But I also like other drivers. So what does dh do? He makes fun or me, puts down those drivers and rubs it in whever they lose. And throws a fit if they win. I would never do that to him. Even when it comes down to his favorite driver against mine, I root for his to win so he will be happy. I never put him down for the drivers he likes and I don't make fun of them either. It is so hurtful. And I'm tired of it after 6 years.

I feel I have to just keep quiet about the teams and drivers that I really like or he will make fun of me endlessly. Like I didn't get enough of that in grade school. He makes me cry. I thought we were supposed to support each other? I guess that road only goes one way. I'm supposed to support him and his likes no matter what. He only has to support me and my likes if it interests him too. I hate it and I resent him for his attitude. I've tried to talk to him but he won't listen to any of it. He says that is just the way it is and we will only root for certain teams in this house.

I know it is only sports teams and nothing to fight over but it still hurts to be made fun of all the time by someone that is supposed to love you. He also shows no interest in any of the TV shows I like. If I'm watching TV he has no problem switching to something he wants to watch the minute I leave the room to get something and if I ask him to switch back he says no because he is watching. I would never do that. It is just rude. Half the time I just find something I know he will like, even if there is a show I really want to watch on, just to make him happy. He is just so... inconsiderate. He doesn't think of anyone else's feelings. I'm fed up with him.

why do I even cook?

I am just so frustrated with my family right now. Especially dh. Normally I like to cook. I prefer it if everyone is home. When dh's schedule has him working during dinner I don't usually cook anything special. Normally I just make sandwiches or mac and cheese since it is just the kids eating. And save the good dinners for his day off.

But sometimes I wonder why I cook at all. The last month he was getting home at 3. Dinner is supposed to be between 5 and 6. Half the time I would spend an hour cooking and then he wasn't hungry because he decided to eat lunch late or eat when he gets home from work. He won't even get off the computer or turn his playstation off to sit with us while we eat. Things like family time aren't as important as screaming obsenities at his Madden game while the kids try to eat dinner.

Tonight I made the kids hamburger macaroni. Which is just shells and cheese with hamburger and peas mixed in. They love it and it is easy to make. For me and dh I made pea soup. My first attempt and it turned out really good. And was really easy too. Dh's new schedule gets him home around 8, but he had to stop at the store and get bread first. Of course he gets home and I'm excited to see what he thinks of the soup, but he doesn't feel good so he's not having any. So what was the point? I could have just had a hot pocket. I waste more time cooking for no body.

I understand he wasn't feeling well, but there is always something. Brenna also didn't eat any of the meat from her food. She picked around it and ate the peas and macaroni. She does that all the time. There is always something I make that someone doesn't like. Most of the time Meagan only eats one thing out of everything I make (usually the veggies or rice). I just want to give up and feed them PB&J. That is what dh does. If I wasn't around they would only eat cereal for breakfast and PB&J every day for lunch and dinner because he doesn't think he needs to make anything else for them. That is if he feeds them at all, because, you know, if he isn't hungry then no one else in the house is. And he gets mad if they ask for food. He can go all day only eating once. The kids sure can't do that. Well Meagan can, but it's not healthy. He was up with the kids this morning and didn't give them breakfast. I got up at 10:30 as he was leaving for work. I had to get Meagan ready for school, change Brenna's diaper and listen to the kids cry that they were starving. Meagan didn't want to go to school because she was so hungry. Luckily they eat lunch before they go to class. What the hell? He can't do something so simple as feed his kids and change a diaper in the morning. I know reading his message boards are so important @@

I at least get off line to make lunch and dinner and do the dishes and clean up and etc etc. He doesn't think he has to do anything at home since he works. Big woop. So he works 8 hours a day. My work day never ends and when he is here my work actually increases. I don't ever get breaks. I don't ever leave the house or not have the kids with me. He works his 8 hours and then sits around the house in his underwear playing video games and yelling at the kids while I do everything else.

Can you tell I am just pissed lately. Must be the hormones.