You're Welcome

[jennickels]

Once my football game (Chicago/Indianapolis) was over and I finished some crap on the computer I retreated to my room for some quiet time.  I've been having an Angel rewatch and I had like 20 minutes left in an episode so I watched that.  It happened to be the last episode on a disc so I changed it.  The first episode on the new disc was "You're Welcome."  I swear I stared at the start screen for over a minute before I got the courage to play it, lol.

It's one of my all time favorite episodes but... it's emotionally exhausting to watch.  It took me at least two hours to watch a 40-45 minute show.  Some of that was having to pause whenever the kids came in the room and while they got ready for bed (they were making so much noise in their rooms I couldn't hear).  There were also the numerous trains.

But the rest was me having to stop to get control of my emotions.  At one point I was shaking.  I know it's silly.  There is so much in that episode that just ties me up in knots.  The big one being the scene with Angel and Cordy talking in his apartment.  Angel looked so lost and, I don't know, guilty, I guess.  For betraying the mission.  Cordy almost admits she was in love with him and I wanted to strangle her for not saying the words, something I'm sure Angel needed to hear.  Angel admits that Spike is a hero and you can tell how much that bothers him because he knows that should be him (even if the stuff with Spike ended up being a huge ruse).  And he practically begs Cordy to make things right.

Oh, not to mention Angel admitting that he needs Cordy and the subtext was pretty obvious.  I rewound that scene at least 7 times (some because of interruptions) just to get it all.

Then there was the huge fight between Angel and Lindsey which was epic and yummy.  I remember I watched the commentary one time and Christian Kane mentioned he wanted to come back on the show and finally get to kick some ass instead of constantly getting his ass kicked.  Didn't work out too good, lol.

And, of course, there's the end scene.  As soon as it started I was choked up.  I had to pause it twice before they even got to Cordy explaining she couldn't stay.  But as soon as she said it I was in tears.  God, that was so heartbreaking.  I'm pretty sure that Angel is crying by the end.  So was I.

I had to turn the show off after that to recover.  I hate you Joss Whedon!

That's not true, lol.  I know there were behind-the-scenes circumstances for Charisma Carpenter leaving the show but still... the way Joss kills off characters is just emotional torture.  A punch to the gut.  Do I need to mention Fred? 

Also, I had forgotten how angsty the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4 was.  From an Angel/Cordy point of view.  I mean, if you ignore all the squicky Cordy/Connor stuff.

There was more I was going to say about the episode but I woke up with a migraine and then pulled a muscle in my shoulder which is killing me.  Now the sun has come out so my head feels like it's going to explode.  Time to go hide in my nice, quiet, dark room until the pain goes away.

Comments

[raktajinos.livejournal.com]

I remember that episode....quite emotional.

I've never really shipped Cordy/Angel (I probably anti-ship it despite the fact that they'd be kinda good together. I like Angel being alone and depressed forever hahaha. I'm so mean lol).

Joss does love to hurt us. UG FRED!!! THE FEELS. That episode, Hole in the World, is probably the most heartwrenching episode Whedon has ever produced. Dear gawd, the feels. And they he double whammies you because you end up adoring Illyria yet you miss Fred so much. *sobs*.

Not to mention Joyce, Tara (omg Tara!) and Wash; three of the most beloved characters brutally killed. He does know how to string us along. (Though I've permanently erased the fact that Tara is dead in canon lol).

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Tara was just... shocking. So sudden and brutal and vivid. I can barely watch the episode when Joyce dies. It just hits way too close to home (my mom died when I was 23 from a stroke, except she was already at the hospital when she died... it was still sudden and unexpected) and I'm a blubbering baby within minutes.

That's so true about Fred and Illyria. There's also that scene in the last episode when Wes is dying and she changes back into Fred to comfort him. Gah.

I'm mostly into the angst value of a relationship. So Angel and Cordy being together/not being together works for me. They drive each other crazy which is always good for some fun scenes. Most of the stuff I've been writing for them ends with them not actually together (the one I've been working on since 2008 has Angel going evil and turns Cordy into a vampire... much angst ensues).

[raktajinos.livejournal.com]

Ya, Tara's death was a shock. But that whole scene is probably one of my favourite things in all of Whedon. Just how it was constructed; set in the daytime, with Buffy+Xander outside and Willow/Tara inside, two places of action yet connected. Two safe places. There's never really been violence in those two areas. And the daytime! Ug that choice. And then to have Warren come in with a gun; it was everything that Warren was a metaphor for. Pure human violence. He's not a demon, he's acting on human instincts and choices, using a human weapon, in the daylight and ultimately attacking the strongest women he knows as one more act of his intense misogyny.

Its a genius scene.

and then "baby, your shirt" *epic sobbing begins*

Watching The Body would be insanely hard.

Omg the last episode with Wes/Illyira. *wails*. Damn that Joss, he knows how to break our hearts.

Liking the angst eh lol. I'm not so much with the angst necessarily, I tend to prefer relationships that are supportive and compliment each other (pretty boring eh :P). I like kindness hahaha. That said, I do LOVE some angsty relationships. I think Buffy/Angel is pretty damn angsty (my god, the two of them and their moral complexes lol). I think thats why I prefer them together than any others. They make each other miserable...so much angst. SO awesome. haha. Have you seen Red Eye with Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy? thats one of my favourite ships ever and its pretty much all angst hahaha.

damn thats a long WIP. Are you almost done?

[jennickels.livejournal.com]

I think it's the whole normality to the scene with Willow and Tara that lends to the shock factor. It was another day for them, going about their morning routine (not to mention they had just gotten back together) and then BANG!

It was also one of the most realistic death scenes in the show. Other than Joyce, all the other deaths are all monsters or supernatural. They're unrealistic to watchers so you just shrug them off. They don't mean anything. But to watch someone shot--something that's very real and could happen to anyone we know. It just cuts right to you. And the absolute horror on Willow's face.

The story I'm working on I started for NaNo in 08. I won but it was never finished (there were so many holes in it that I never filled). Over the years I've filled in some of them and did some editing but it's no where near done.

And then... I just fell in love with Angel and Cordy

I got it out again over the summer and have been poking at it. Even with my headache yesterday, I opened it up and started rereading, making notes and corrections. I was cracking up at how marked up the prologue and first few chapters were. Every time I read it I find more stuff to fix (stupid things like grammar and spelling) and sentence structure because my writing style has changed so much since I wrote it.