Heaven Can't Wait - Chapter 15
19 Apr 2018 10:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennickels
Chapter Fifteen - It’s a Really Bad Idea
Clarke and the girl stare at each other for a few tense moments before Clarke succumbs to the child in herself, sticking out her tongue. It’s enough to make the girl laugh, easing the tension down a couple notches. Bellamy smiles at both of them—the relief he feels is physical. He needs the two of them to get along. He’s not sure why.Liar. You know why.
He shakes away the annoying voice as Clarke gets up. “I’m supposed to meet Raven for breakfast. She promised me real food. Want to come?”
“Do I get a plus one?”
She looks at the girl for a second. “I guess. If she promises not to stab me with anything while we eat.”
Bellamy chuckles. “I can’t make any guarantees.”
“I guess if I want your company, I’ll have to chance it.” She immediately blushes like she said too much.
The warm fuzzy feeling is back, and he has to turn away before she can see the stupid smile on his face. It’s pathetic how desperate he is for her attention.
Then you’ve been pathetic since you met her.
Shut up.
Bellamy squeezes his eyes shut—arguing with himself isn’t helping him look less pathetic.
“You okay?” Clarke asks.
“Huh? I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.”
She reaches for him but changes her mind after another glare from the girl at his side. She smiles, though, like the whole thing amuses her. “It’ll all work out, Bellamy. Octavia will be back soon, and we’ll find someone to-” She nods at the girl.
Bellamy forces a smile on his face. “Yeah, I’m sure someone will take her in.” He wonders if she hears how strained those words sound. If she does, she ignores it.
They’re both quiet as they walk to the mess hall. He wishes he knew what she was thinking.
You want to know if she’s thinking about you. Could you be any more pathetic?
He sighs. The voice is getting on his last nerve.
Because it's true, and you know it.
He glances over at Clarke as her hand comes up to touch the pendant around her neck. He quickly looks away, his stomach knotting.
Definitely not thinking about you. She never will.
As they turn the corner, Kane pops his head out of his office. “Bellamy, I need to talk to you.” He goes back inside. Obviously an order, not a request.
Bellamy groans, head falling back. Clarke chances patting his arm with a sympathetic smile. “Rain check on breakfast?”
“Guess so.”
She waves by, and he waits until she’s out of sight before going in.
Kane starts in as soon as he enters. “We need to talk about patrols and-”
“Welcome back,” Bellamy says flatly.
Kane huffs. “Bellamy, if you’re going to be Commander of the Guard-”
“Not this again,” Bellamy says with a sigh. “I told you I don’t want the job. Nothing you say will convince me otherwise. Find someone else. Miller’s dad’s been on the Guard for thirty years. Ask him.”
“I did,” Kane says without missing a beat. “He turned me down. Said he was too old to learn a management position.” A grin spreads across Kane’s face. “He suggested I ask you instead.”
“For god’s sake. Is everyone insane?” Bellamy gives him a look of frustration. “No one is going to listen to me. And the Grounders all hate me. I’ll be lucky if one of them doesn’t slit my throat in my sleep.”
“Bellamy-”
“Why me?” Kane must be losing his ever-loving mind if he thinks this is a good idea.
“Because I trust you.”
Bellamy’s jaw drops. Yep, totally insane. “You can’t be serious.”
“This isn’t up for debate. I need you to be Commander.”
“And if I refuse?”
“I guess we’ll find something else for you to do. Your mom was a seamstress, right? I assume you know how to sew.”
What? “Are you firing me?”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all. It was a joke. A bad one.”
The pain between his eyes swells. “Can’t we do this later?”
“You’re taking this job.”
Bellamy runs a hand over his tired face. “You’re nuts,” he says then turns to leave.
“We’re not done,” Kane says, grabbing his arm.
“I am.” Bellamy jerks his arm free.
Next to him, the little girl makes a moaning sound. They both look down. Her head snaps back and forth between the two of them, her eyes filling with tears. Bellamy closes his eyes. Crap. He’d forgotten she was there.
Kane just looks surprised. “What’s this?”
He lifts her up as her lip quivers, giving Kane a tired look. “It’s a long story. I wrote a report and everything. Or you could ask Abby.”
Kane strokes his beard, anger apparently ebbed by the new situation. “Um, okay. I guess we’ll talk about this later. You can go.”
Bellamy grunts but doesn’t say anything. He knows the conversation won’t be over until Kane gets his way. No matter how bad of an idea it is. And it’s a really, really bad idea. The voice finally agrees with him.
By the time they catch up to Clarke, the mess hall is much more crowded. Clarke and Raven are sitting at a table right in the middle of the room. The two lean on each other, laughing. They look happy. Then he notices Clarke’s friend Niylah sitting with them. The smile slips from Bellamy’s face and a weight settles in his gut again. He’s lost his appetite.
“Let’s go for another walk instead, huh?”
He rubs at the pain behind his eyes as the girl drags him all over, clearly thrilled to be in charge for once. He should probably ask Abby about the headaches, but he can’t stand the thought of her getting all maternal and clingy again.
When they come to the next junction, the girl stops. She looks up and down the halls, her face scrunched in thought.
“Are we lost?” he asks with a smirk.
She tilts her head at him then frowns around. Her face gets red when he laughs at how cute she’s being, and she stomps her foot in frustration. Which just makes him laugh harder. It takes him a moment to realize she’s actually distraught.
He squats down in front of her to wipe away the tears. “Hey, it’s okay. We all get lost sometimes. Some people more than others.” She doesn’t seem convinced if her trembling lip means anything. Bellamy scoops her up and starts back towards the main part of the station.
They make a right and then a left. Suddenly, the girl arches her back, pushing away from him. She points to a passage on the right.
“That way?”
She wipes away tears with the back of her hand then sucks her thumb. A moment later they’re standing in front of a familiar locked door. He smiles as he keys in his access code. The girl squirms from his grasp and sprints through the maze of crates.
Jasper’s party took a toll on the place. Cups and other trash litter the floor. Boxes have been overturned or pried open. Some of the furniture is considerably more broken than before. Junk is strewn everywhere.
Bellamy picks up a discarded pair of pants with a sigh then tosses them into an open box full of random machine components. I’m going to have to have a serious talk with Jasper. Soon. Before things really get out of control.
He finds the girl in their spot under the observation dome, spinning with her face to the sky. Puffy white clouds drift across a backdrop of bright blue. A few birds sail past. It is a beautiful day. Maybe the last one they’ll see for a long time.
Bellamy lies down on a pile of insulation, his hands behind his head and stares at the clouds. Eventually, the girl joins him, curling against his side. She fidgets until her head is on his shoulder with her arm wrapped around his neck to play with his hair. He rolls his eyes but has to admit he kind of enjoys it. Even when she yanks too hard. It seems to comfort him almost as much as it comforts her.
Being with the little girl has had a calming effect on him. He feels more peaceful when she’s around. He’s not sure what he’s going to do if she leaves.
When. When she leaves. Because that’s how it has to be, the voice tells him. Who are you to be raising a kid? You can barely take care of yourself.
And you destroyed Octavia.
Bellamy shoves the dark thoughts away, pulling the girl closer. She climbs onto his chest and stretches out, her fingers still tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. He listens to her quiet breathing until he drifts off to sleep himself.
