![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennickelsIt Was Only a Matter of Time
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
That 70s Show
Jackie/Hyde
rating: PG-13
Jack and Hyde work through their problems after Hyde finds Kelso in Jackie's Chicago hotel room (AU after season 7 finale). [start from the beginning: Chapter 1]
Chapter 14: This Girl is Going to be the Death of Me
Hyde stayed that way, in a drunken stupor, for a week. He had briefly considered going next door and apologizing to Donna and trying to find out where Jackie had gone, but he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. He guessed she wasn't speaking to him anyway, since he hadn't gone after Jackie. Mrs. Forman came down a couple times a day to check on him.
She would knock and try to get him to eat something. He refused to leave his room so she left sandwiches outside his door. He ate them, but they left a sour taste in his mouth. WB had stopped by when Hyde hadn't shown up for work. At first he was fuming, but when he saw Hyde's face, his voice softened. He had asked Hyde if everything was all right. Hyde, of course, lied through his teeth. He told his father he was coming down with the flu. He must have looked like hell because WB told him to take the week off.
He hadn't had anything to drink the night before. He knew his little vacation was coming to an end and he needed to sober up. Time to face the real world, he told himself. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on his arms. The room was dark and cold. He put on a clean t-shirt from the hamper near his door. Mrs. Forman must have done his laundry. He wondered how she had gotten in, but guessed she had done it while he was passed out. He put on his glasses, running his fingers through his curly hair. He felt like crap. Fez and Charlie were sitting on the couch, eating Tootsie Rolls, and watching Price is Right.
Hyde wondered what time it was. He wondered what the heck day it was. His mind was still fuzzy. The guys barely paid any attention to him as he went up the stairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Forman was standing near the stove having a cup of coffee. She looked startled when he came through the door.
"Oh, Steven, you're up," she said. "How are you feeling, honey?"
Hyde wasn't sure how much Mrs. Forman knew. She acted like a bit of scatterbrain most of the time but she knew a lot more then she let on. Like with Laurie sleeping around or Red sneaking food he wasn't supposed to have. Hyde poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, rubbing his temples.
"Are you hungry?" she asked. Hyde shook his head. He didn't feel like eating or doing anything that would make himself feel better. "Well, if you do get hungry, you know where everything is." She patted his shoulder and went into the other room, leaving Hyde with his thoughts.
He realized it must be past noon. The sun was shining brightly into the kitchen and he could hear birds chirping merrily outside. He pushed his glasses up and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Little white and yellow stars burst all around him and he willed away the burning feeling.
"Steven, honey," Mrs. Forman said, coming back in the room, "could you do me a favor. Could you take this over to Donna. It's from Eric, but the mail man left it here by mistake." She held out an envelope.
Hyde felt a sense of panic wash over him. It was just so preferable to the utter despair he felt seconds earlier, he thought. God, he was even sarcastic in his own head. "Um, Mrs. Forman, in case you didn't notice, Donna and me aren't exactly on speaking terms."
"Well, I didn't say you had to carry a conversation about it, just go knock on her door and hand it to her. Just duck if she tries to hit you again." Mrs. Forman laughed at that.
Hyde gripped the letter tightly in his hand as he rounded the fence heading into the Pinciotti's back yard. He was just going to do exactly what Mrs. Forman said. He would go to the back door, knock and hand the letter to whoever answered. Simple, he thought. He heard voices as he went around the corner of the house but barely registered them until he found himself standing face to face with Donna and Jackie. Oh, God, he thought. Donna looked ready to leap across the yard and pound him. Hyde broke into a cold sweat and his mouth went dry.
He stood frozen, like someone glued his shoes to that spot. He locked eyes with Jackie. He tired to find some hurt in them, but ass he saw was a churning hatred. Hyde swallowed hard. Jackie stood perfectly still, holding his gaze. She was trying to stare him down, he thought. Two could play this game. Hyde was the master of stare downs. He had perfected it through years of practice and Jackie had never been any good at it.
They stood that way for a long time, just staring. Hyde's heart was racing and his breathing was fast and shallow. Jackie's eyes bore into him with disdain. Hyde once again felt his composure crumbling. He couldn't keep this up. He would have to look away. Why had he been so stupid, he wondered. Here he was standing just ten feet away from her and Jackie was ready to attack with the slightest provocation and all he could think of was how beautiful she looked. Why couldn't he have just told her the truth. She had wanted some sign, a glimmer of hope, that they would be together in the future. At first she wanted a proposal, but when she didn't get that she had still come back and was willing to settle for that sign, anything. But, he hadn't been able to say it. Instead something stupid came out of his mouth, something he regretted right away, like last week.
The truth, whey you got right down to it, was that he couldn't imagine not being with her, not waking up next to her every day for the next 50 years. So why was it so hard to tell her that. It was all she wanted to hear but Hyde's stupid pride always got in the way. He refused to let her win the battle and look where it got him. He felt his blood pounding in his head and half hoped he'd stroke out right there. He swallowed hard again, but it didn't help the dry feeling in the back of his throat. Every emotion he had ever experienced with Jackie came flooding back and he trembled.
He realized he was losing her. Her eyes said it all. They screamed, "get the hell away from me you jerk!" But Hyde still couldn't move . He couldn't look at her anymore. He dropped his head and examined Forman's girly handwriting, fingering the edge of the envelope. Jackie snorted. He glanced back up at her and she had a triumphant smirk on her face. Hyde felt like throwing up. He had to say something, but couldn't think. His mind was racing. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many truths he had been too afraid to admit to her, or to himself. But where to start?
He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice, opening and closing his mouth several times. He took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose then let his gaze fall on Jackie again. She met his eyes once more, challenging him to look away again, but this time he didn't have his shades to hide behind. He knew she would see his true feelings in his eyes; she could always do that. She still stared, not blinking at him. Her eyes looked cold and uncaring. Hyde just couldn't keep eye contact with her and he looked down at the letter again, remembering why he came.
Clearing his throat again he said, "Um, Mrs. Forman asked me to give you this, Donna. It's from Forman."
Donna's expression softened as she ran over, snatching the envelope from his hand. She tore it open and started reading, her head nodding with each word. A smile spread across her face. It vanished when she looked back at Hyde. She scowled at him then went into the house. Jackie made to follow her. He had to do something fast before she was gone and suddenly he found his voice.
"Jackie," he started, grabbing her arm as she headed for the door. She jumped back at his touch with a squeak. A current went through Hyde that set every nerve on fire. He felt like heart stopped at just the touch of her skin against his rough hands. He fought to catch his breath. "Jackie, wait. I just wanted to tell you how sor-"
"Don't," she murmured. "Don't tell me how sorry you are, Hyde. I've heard it all before." She pushed past him and slammed the door. He would have said more, but he lost his train of thought when Jackie spoke. She called me Hyde, he thought. She hadn't called him Hyde in years. She really knew how to hurt him. He felt his chest tighten. He couldn't breath, couldn't move. All he could do was stare at the empty space that Jackie had occupied moments earlier. She called me Hyde. It hurt a hundred times more then the slap. He realized he had been holding his breath and gasped for air. All of a sudden the yard seemed too small, too confining. He searched his pockets for his keys, digging around the small box that was still pressing into his leg.
He jammed the car into gear and peeled out of the driveway. He saw Mrs. Forman run out of the kitchen to see what was going on as he tore down the street. His first instinct was to go back to the sleazy dive he liked and drink until the pain was gone. He was heading that way when he realized he was becoming more and more like Bud every day. All he seemed to do was drink anymore. He didn't want to be like that. Bud had run out on him. His mom drank and she left him, too. Oh God, he thought. He turned right at the next intersection and headed out of town. He didn't want to run away from his problems like his parents had. He knew he had to face up to her, to be a man, but it was damned hard. Doing the right thing always was, he told himself. He drove around for twenty minutes, clearing his head. He found himself stopped at the same place he took Jackie on their first "date" years ago.
He turned off the engine and got out. A soft breeze cooled his clammy skin. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he sat on the hood of the car trying to figure out how to fix things. If it hadn't gone so far. Maybe he could have bought her something, flowers or those earrings she had been eyeing last month. It was too late for any of that now, too late for even the ring in his pocket.
Suddenly he had an overwhelming desire to feel even more pain. Where did that come from? he wondered. He wanted to hurt more, to hurt so bad that he would never forget it so he would never screw up like this again. He decided he would just go tell Jackie what he had been meaning to tell her all this time and be humiliated. He deserved it and so did she. She deserved to hear him say it out loud-the truth. Even if she slapped him or laughed or just walked away. At least she would know how he felt. She might not believe him right away, but maybe someday, when she was old and gray and ran into each other again, she will have forgiven him and would know that long ago he had loved her with every fiber of his being.
Chapter 15
