Only Time Will Tell
11 Jun 2005 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jennickelsWhy do summer days seem to last forever? They are so hot and sticky and you just want to crawl back into bed with the AC cranked on high. But when you have kids you don't have that choice. They don't seem to notice the heat and actually want to go out and play. UGH.
Today was Meagan's friend's birthday party. Brooke will be 6 next week but she had her party today. So, even though the kids did not behave all morning and I needed to pack, I dressed them up and did their hair (which Meagan undid a few minutes later) and we walked over there. The heat was stifling and the humidity made it feel like you were walking in a sauna. The kids had fun--running around and screaming. Hannah and Emily were there and a little boy named Matt. Owen and Matt took to each other right away and played by themselves, leaving the girls to dance.
It was nice to get out a little. I've barely left the house in weeks, except to go to the park. Of course I was ready to get home and back to the cool confines of my room and relax but my dad was sitting out front when we got back and that meant the kids wanted to play outside. So I had to go change and sit out in the sweltering heat--it was 80 degrees at 9AM for crying out loud. It didn't last long, though. Owen started acting up and I was getting a headache so I made them all go in.
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It's almost midnight now. I'm up late again. I need to jump in the shower before bed. Patrick will be home sometime early in the morning... Well I'm sure you can get some idea of what will happen, teehee. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. I'm lonesom. :)
Anyway. Today was his birthday. I was going to make him a cake but it was too damn hot to turn the oven on. I guess I can still make it tomorrow but I don't know. He plans to sleep all day and I still have stuff to pack and the race is on.
This whole moving thing has me all stressed out. I just want it to be over with so we can settle down in our poor little lower class life again. We had it too easy here living with my dad. I think I forgot what it's like to be poor--not sure if you have enough to cover the rent and electric. But before it was just me, or me and Patrick. I'm worried about the kids. They don't know what it's like to look in the fridge and find only ketchup and some milk that expired a week ago (yuck). There were times when I lived in Kirksville that I ate just cheese and saltine crackers for dinner, for several nights in a row because I had nothing else and no money. My only saving grace was working in the cafeteria and getting free meals whenever I worked--it was an insentive. Working meant eating. We won't have that kuxery this time. Food stamps here we come.
But it will be our own place. I kind of forgot what that was like. I liked living on my own--freedom. Nobody telling me what to do or critisizing me about the house or the way I raise my kids. It will be nice if I can get past the anxiety about money. Only time will tell, I guess. I was scared when I moved out of the dorms at 19, too but I survived. It was rough but in the end I loved my little place. I miss my apartment sometimes. I can still smell it and feel the thick air in the summer. It was so comfy--so home. This place never felt like home after we moved back. I'm always on eggshells around my dad and he never fails to remind me what a disappointment I am and how much he dislikes Patrick. It's like a slow torture.
I better stop thinking of that stuff or I won't be in the mood when Patrick gets here. I need something to get my mind in that mood--something smutty maybe. Better go check the fanfic sites for some good stories.
Today was Meagan's friend's birthday party. Brooke will be 6 next week but she had her party today. So, even though the kids did not behave all morning and I needed to pack, I dressed them up and did their hair (which Meagan undid a few minutes later) and we walked over there. The heat was stifling and the humidity made it feel like you were walking in a sauna. The kids had fun--running around and screaming. Hannah and Emily were there and a little boy named Matt. Owen and Matt took to each other right away and played by themselves, leaving the girls to dance.
It was nice to get out a little. I've barely left the house in weeks, except to go to the park. Of course I was ready to get home and back to the cool confines of my room and relax but my dad was sitting out front when we got back and that meant the kids wanted to play outside. So I had to go change and sit out in the sweltering heat--it was 80 degrees at 9AM for crying out loud. It didn't last long, though. Owen started acting up and I was getting a headache so I made them all go in.
--------------------
It's almost midnight now. I'm up late again. I need to jump in the shower before bed. Patrick will be home sometime early in the morning... Well I'm sure you can get some idea of what will happen, teehee. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. I'm lonesom. :)
Anyway. Today was his birthday. I was going to make him a cake but it was too damn hot to turn the oven on. I guess I can still make it tomorrow but I don't know. He plans to sleep all day and I still have stuff to pack and the race is on.
This whole moving thing has me all stressed out. I just want it to be over with so we can settle down in our poor little lower class life again. We had it too easy here living with my dad. I think I forgot what it's like to be poor--not sure if you have enough to cover the rent and electric. But before it was just me, or me and Patrick. I'm worried about the kids. They don't know what it's like to look in the fridge and find only ketchup and some milk that expired a week ago (yuck). There were times when I lived in Kirksville that I ate just cheese and saltine crackers for dinner, for several nights in a row because I had nothing else and no money. My only saving grace was working in the cafeteria and getting free meals whenever I worked--it was an insentive. Working meant eating. We won't have that kuxery this time. Food stamps here we come.
But it will be our own place. I kind of forgot what that was like. I liked living on my own--freedom. Nobody telling me what to do or critisizing me about the house or the way I raise my kids. It will be nice if I can get past the anxiety about money. Only time will tell, I guess. I was scared when I moved out of the dorms at 19, too but I survived. It was rough but in the end I loved my little place. I miss my apartment sometimes. I can still smell it and feel the thick air in the summer. It was so comfy--so home. This place never felt like home after we moved back. I'm always on eggshells around my dad and he never fails to remind me what a disappointment I am and how much he dislikes Patrick. It's like a slow torture.
I better stop thinking of that stuff or I won't be in the mood when Patrick gets here. I need something to get my mind in that mood--something smutty maybe. Better go check the fanfic sites for some good stories.
